Stella, I was reading your post about this morning, the thoughts you had and the comments of your friend. Yes. Been there. So many mornings. Nights too. And middle of the night. And middle of the day. Pretty much 24/7 at one point.
I think this is normal, given the circumstances.
I'm going to make a suggestion which may or not make sense to you - have you ever checked out Alanon? You're still interacting with him, he's drinking alcoholically and behaving in a manner consistent with someone who is actively drinking destructively. Alanon is for the family member. It helps them focus on themselves and detach from the person drinking and behaving badly. Meetings are in person or on line. I suggest maybe checking one out. Just a thought.
There are many overlapping principles from Alanon in DB, IMHO - especially detachment and focusing on ourselves rather than the misbehaving spouse.
Couldn't hurt, right?
Just google meetings, alanon and you'll find what you are looking for.
I'm not sure, because my memory stinks lately, have you read Divorce Remedy? I found that so very helpful, especially at the beginning. Don't tell your husband about the book or this place. This is YOUR place. FOR YOU.
