Hi S, As you can see you will receive great advice here.
Some people have completely healed, others are still on their journey, therefore you’ll get a good mix of advice.
Go along with whatever feels right for you.
After reading your story I below added some examples of what happened with my MLC H. Just to let you know that many of our stories are very similar to one another. In the future you will say many times, this is exactly the way how I experienced this. It seems MLC’ers all follow quite the same path (unfortunately it is a path of destruction…)
Originally Posted by Stella20
B- Yes, it is hard to accept that my M is over. But I hold onto hope that we can rebuild a new one. I don't know where this road is going, or how I will feel when/if I get to the otherside, how I will feel then. Over the years H has had a reoccuring dream, that sticks out to me as ominous now. He would wake up in the middle of the night and grab onto me for dear life. He would dream that he was trying to reach me or talk to me. But each time he had this same dream, over and over throughout the years, he could not get to me and I would not hear him or talk to him. He would wake me up to tell me each time, and each time I would tell him.. that will never happen because I love you and would never turn my back on you..weird right... S
He clearly has some sort of fear of abandonment. This is a typical symptom. My MLC H has this as well. If you read about people who are having this fear many abandon first as they are afraid of the pain that they will experience so strange enough they are the first to leave, thinking they will avoid a part.
Originally Posted by Stella20
D- My H has always been somewhat immature, we both kind of were, I chalked that up to not having any children. He has always been a drinker, but now he has taken that to Defcon 10. He is out there running himself into the ground...from Thursday night to Monday night, he is out drinking, partying, going to bars, concerts, you name it, he is there, along with a new group of younger friends who think he is just the bomb....This is how he was in his early 20's when I first ment him, center of attention, party is his middle name, he is Mr. Fun, good times, lets get wasted. And OW is the same way, together they are going to kill each other. S
Same here. If they like drinking, once they go into crisis mode, the drinking is increasing heavily. MLC H is doing this already for about 3 years non-stop. From Thursday till Monday every evening until he is wasted with some exceptions the past weeks now.
Originally Posted by Stella20
He has a great job, that he loves and makes a great living, as of now he is still working and I think/hope he doesn't screw it up. For a man who went to the school of hard knox, as H likes to say, he has been very successful with the company he is at. He has/was always been proud of the life we have built with each other. I sometimes wonder if the money he is making now has gone to his head as right now he is throughing it around. S
Was exactly the same. MLC H is a very smart man, loved his job and worked very hard. Changed jobs because of a take-over and start of MLC, in new job made extreme amounts of money, spent it with OW’s and on his own, but it didn’t make him happy (he is already that far), wants to quite and do nothing for a while. So most probably he will screw up as at one point since they can’t hide it anymore.
Originally Posted by Stella20
He does not travel for work, and I don't think there has been anyone else in the past. I could be wrong, but after he came back from the trip in May of 2021, I could really feel and see the difference in the way he was acting. I have never seen that in the past. I have asked and he has denyed. Only thing he admits to is that he had started talking to other women before the A, what that means... not really sure. I did find some strange emails to questionable sites with women on it that he had sent his phone # to trying to get someone to call him. That was from October 2020.S
Same here. Never been interested in other women, never an A during our entire M, but a few months before BD started looking on dating sites. Admitted this shortly after BD.
Originally Posted by Stella20
Our marriage was not "perfect" but it was good.S
Never doubt about that. No marriage is perfect, but from what I read I would think you were a very happily married woman. Remember, it is not about you. It’s their crisis.
And for the following quote…
Originally Posted by Stella20
I am trying to eat, but it has not been healthy, hard to shop for food for one. I am down 25 pounds, thanks to this MLC, started to work out to a bit and get in shape. Funny how the weight just fell off in a few months when I have been trying for years to drop some weight, but no amount of working out or dieting ever worked. Want to join a gym, but will have to push that back as I have surgery this coming Monday, nothing major. S
Kml, good to dive into this. It is incredible as to why every single LBS starts losing weight as from BD… I would be thrilled to know what your conclusions might be.
