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(Although, prioritize setting FIRM verbal abuse boundaries which will also help build you up.)
I want to reiterate what Traveler says here. I've alluded to this in previous responses, but this is really important. The worst thing you could do, even worse than divorce, would be to go right back to the same dynamic you guys were in before BD. Really think about what R and MR 2.0 looks like to you, then make that the minimum standard for saving your marriage. Verbal abuse is a non-starter, and as a former borderline verbal abuser (though no where to the level you faced), it takes a lot of work on his part. Including, whether he likes it or not, individual counseling.
I know right now its hard to see that D isn't the worst thing you are facing, but really it isn't. Deep down you do not want to go back to the way things were. You start moving away from that dynamic forever by instituting what I suggested before: if he starts getting verbally abusive you shut it down. "I refuse to sit here and be verbally abused." Then get up and leave.
Remember, moving forward to MR 2.0 is the goal. But moving forward is a requirement regardless of what he ultimately decides.
