Oh I forgot-- wanted to reaffirm what several posters have said here and I think is really, really important for you-- it does seem like there is a whole lot of you trying to change or control your wife's behavior, and this focus on her medications exemplifies that. You need to let all that go and remember that the only person you can control is YOU. This was very difficult for me. I wanted to fix my husband and wake him up and make him realize what he was risking, how could he do this to our children, etc etc etc. But I couldn't, because that was not my work to do. That was his path and there was nothing I could do that would 'fix' him. He had to come to the realization on his own that he wanted to end the A and work on our M. I couldn't force him into any of that. In the same way, your W is an adult human being and she doesn't need your permission to take anti-depressants or get divorced from you. Those are her choices, though you may disagree and those choices may be painful for you.
Something that helped me a lot in my sitch was "you can't clap with one hand." No matter how much I wished otherwise, I couldn't force my H to do anything. I could only control myself. And when I really understood this in my bones, I was able to really focus on myself, my boundaries, and what was best for me and my kids, without getting distracted by wishing for change that wasn't within my power to effect.
