Not much to add other than WOW! I don't know where you and your wife started out but you are in a really good place right now. You both are appreciating each other.
A new attitude is even working for the age-old problem that an act of service wouldn't "count" if she had to ask me to do it. The reason for that is not because she wants to make things hard for me for her own evil amusement but because I had a bad attitude when she asked me to do something, even if I tried to hide it.
What a great point.
I eventually started to make peace with the fact that I couldn't really have done any better and I got screamed at all the time because my mom didn't know what was wrong with me and didn't know what else to do, not because I was worthless. And... more importantly, when my W had to ask me to do something, instead of feeling like a failure and then blaming her for that feeling, I say (or at least think) "thanks for reminding me".
I want to stress this because this seems like a huge step you made. If you do forget something now and someone points in out to you, your first thought now is "Thanks for reminding me" instead of "I forgot again; I am such an idiot."?
Did you figure that out and make that change on your own or did a therapist help?
My guess is your wife is happier also because when she reminded you of something and you when into your "I'm an idiot" mode, she felt BADLY because that was NOT her intention. Her intention is merely to get you to pick up the dry cleaning and not to make you feel like an idiot. Right?
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
