25ymlc,

It was so nice to hear from you. No-- I am not dead, still kickin' here in Buffalo! Ol' prune face and H are still going strong too- unfortunately. Although H went to Florida this week , took his kids and my MIL-- OW DID NOT GO WITH THEM...
Not sure why, just glad she stayed home. Wouldn't want my d around all that 2nd hand smoke- Yuk

It is normal to feel a bit nervous about your move up North- all that darkness and all

At least you will still have your house as you said to "escape" to if need be. I am glad that you and your H are moving closer together. That is wonderful news! All you can do is take it one day at a time.

I wish my H would feel the loss of his family, but so far no such luck. He is happy being a "Disneyland dad" for the time being.

Right now he is doing just that in Florida. I sure wish he would begin to miss me and start to dispise Ow for the loser that she is. Still no divorce. It is moving slowly now that H realizes all he is going to have to pay out.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting back to H and my M and many things have become more clear to me, especially about his R with my girls. It was like "walking on eggshells" around our house b/c I always wanted to keep the peace where H and the kids were concerned. I could tell you some stories- like how H would put labels on food in the frig that said "do not eat" b/c it was his food! You see H is a fitness fanatic and would prepare and buy things "just for him" and if the kids touched it - OMG it was the end of the world! If one of girls was in the bathroom getting ready for school in the am and H would wake up needing to use the BR all h*ll would break loose if he couldn't get right in! How I was expected to take the day off if H was going to be home for the day. If I had patients scheduled he would expect me to r/s them and stay home "in bed" with him. Not that I wouldn't have loved to do this sometimes, and many days I did ! But there were times that I really needed to go to work but would call in b/c I knew if I didn't H would be upset with me. I am the boss, but still I have a responsibility to my patients too. CONTROL FREAK! NEEDY!! Yeah, you could say that! All of these things would have to change if H and I ever did reconcile, but as it appears now H is no where near taking responsibility for anything that happened in our M. I am still to blame for everything!

Do I still love him anyway- I do. Wish I didn't , but I still do. I guess this is called unconditional love , isn't it?

Looking forward to leaving for Florida tomorrow. Me and the girls will be staying with my mother/grandma. Maybe I'll meet some cute poolboyz! Just kidding, I really have no interest in OM right now. My heart is still trying to mend.

It is sad about your d18's R with her dad, but I am sure given some time that will change for the better. Keep me posted on the move.

Hugs,
K