I really appreciate you sharing your story. When I read it, I felt as though we'd married the same man! I don't think my H consciously avoided intimacy in our marriage, but he did everything he could to maintain physical and emotional distance between us.
He told me (right before I moved out) that when I'd try to talk to him about our sex life he'd think "Whatever. This will blow over and life will soon return to normal." He wasn't at all interested in trying to find a solution, because in his mind, there wasn't a problem.
I can't tell you how many nights I stayed up crying because I felt so lonely, so trapped, so rejected. I'm actually happier to be out of the house and on my own. It's better to have no sex life and be single than to be married to someone you love who continually rejects you.
I don't know about you, Sandi, but being in a sex-starved marriage really hurt my self-esteem. Three years ago, I looked like hell. I didn't care how I looked anymore - I never went shopping for clothes, didn't get my hair cut, etc. I just figured, "Why bother? H isn't attracted to me anyway." I was so demoralized!
I've pulled myself up by my bootstraps since then, but it was a long, hard battle to start liking myself again.
I'm still trying marriage counseling with H, but at this point, I'm losing hope. Even though I've done my very best to talk to him, he still doesn't understand why I left and how I need our relationship to change if I'm to return.
