Looking Up

[Heywyre]

Journalling:

The roller coaster is slowing down (I think) and as long as I try and keep busy and keep my mind off of things, I won't get dizzy and fall off the darn thing - lol

H hasn't mentioned the "fight night" anymore - I basically told him if he wanted to go that was fine, I had lots of things to do right here. His comment ... "well if X (the wife of the guy) is going to be there, you can spend time with her". I said "actually she said she was going to a dinner but that doesn't matter, I have lots of things I can do here at home".

Next comment from H ... "well if X (the wife) isn't going to be there, that gives me an out". I said "I thought you wanted to go". H says, "ya, but I can take it or leave it and I don't want to leave you by yourself". I said, "trust me, I am a big girl, I can handle it but I appreciate the concern."

And that's where it is still sitting, whether or not he will be going is still left to be seen.

Monday was good - he met me for lunch (he knows Mondays are my lousiest day - due to him visiting OW on Mondays in the past). We also had lunch together today, so that's a bonus - two days in a row. He also took my shoes into the shoe repair for me - totally unasked for. He was the one that suggested it, I just about fell over. Thanked him profusely for it today and he seemed to appreciate that.

He was a little stand-offish tonight and somewhat condescending but came around a little later on.

I approached the ML talk last night (something I haven't brought up since way before the last bomb). We were cuddling in bed (he has ALWAYS been a cuddler, its something that I think has kept us both strong through all of this mess and he says it makes him feel closer to me (that's a plus I would think although it does seem to be stagnent)

Anyway, he mentioned how good it felt to hold me and I said "do you think we will ever ML again" and he said "yes, we're getting back to that I think, don't you". I was tempted to say "no, I don't think we are at all" but settled for a "it seems that way", which he accepted and then fell asleep (leaving me frustrated as usual)

And for all of you out there that say - "then you be the aggressor" - trust me, I have tried every angle under the sun. Right to the point where he told me he didn't like me taking the initiative and to (basically) back off because it was turning him off so I guess I will just have to be content and wait until he decides its time (which might be around the same time as the saying .... when hell freezes over)

Woe is me ...