As for how to work...well, when my H abandoned us I was just beginning my training for driving a school bus...I had major tests to do and was having trouble focusing....I got a red light ticket and had to do traffic school as it would have messed up my licensing...I was in a minor traffic accident the same day and had to pay cash for the repair of the other person's car so it wouldn't go on my record as well...I was a basket case...what did I do???
Well...I got up every morning, made my list of things that I HAD TO DO...and I just made myself do them....if I had to cry on my way to training I did....if I had to cry on my way home I did...I had to study and study and try and remember...it was so very hard...now this began just a few days before H moved out... finally I had passed all my written tests and interviews...now for the driving test...guess who administers that test???...The California Highway Patrol...in uniform...on the bus!!!....The day of my test it rained...I had NEVER driven the bus in the rain...he took me down a street I had never been down (forgot to mention I was driving the boss's bus!)....asked me to do the backing manuever around a corner staying 16" from the curb....in a 45' bus this is no easy task on a bright sunny day...once seated in the drivers seat you are not allowed to get up...I should have just told him that I couldn't do it....I couldn't see well enough out of the mirrors...but I tried....I failed...I hit a block pillar and crunched the back of the bus pretty good...needless to say that was automatic fail...then to top it off the district I was applying for said I was no longer hireable....and I needed a job....after a month of feeling sorry for myself I called back the manager and asked for another non-driving position....he said he didn't have a permanent position but I could work as a substitute....so I took it...he took pity on my situation and made sure I had fairly regular work...I worked my heart out at that job...then several months later I had the pleasure of working alone with him...I asked if there was anyway I could finish what I started and get licensed with our district because I didn't want to work for another (they said they would help me get on with another school district when this happened)....he gave me another chance!!!...I was scared to death but I did it!!!....I passed my test....I got my license and I got the job I needed.....did I go through hell???...did I have every part of my being tested???....YOU CAN BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY I DID!!!...but I did it....with three kids, no home, limited income, and some health issues to boot....I did it...and so can you....
You have to commit to YOU...your not working so your husband can have success....you are working so you can BE successful!!!...for now you just need to set your daily goal and make not matter what it takes...
You also need...and I mean this...you need to stop obsessing over H and the OW....she is not the cause...she is the Band Aide....until the wound heals she will remain there...how fast that wound heals depends in part on YOU and how well you take care of yourself...
I think what happened is you took your trip to Vegas...spent way too much time focusing on what you WANTED when you got back instead of what you NEEDED to do for yourself when you returned...
You are giving H way too much control...you are glamorizing the A way too much and assuming everything...just because both cars are gone how do you get they are together???...could it be she went her way and he went his for totally unrelated reasons???...why would a couple take a trip together and drive separate???...frankly your reasoning makes no sense to me...and where do you get off expecting him to tell you his comings and goings anyway...if I remember correctly he left you...and because of this you don't have a right to be informed of all of his actions....with or without OW....he doesn't want to be controlled or micro managed by you...he is tired of your controlling personality especially in his personal life....believe it or not just because your married doesn't give your spouse a right to control your every move...and this is what you have been doing...yes, he allowed it...but that doesn't mean he liked it....remember, I speak from experience on this...
Your attitude has changed since you have been home because you have allowed it to...you have lost control of your own emotions...this is what YOU have done to yourself...not what H has done....
Tam...write down what you need to do for tomorrow...and get it done...if for some reason you can't get it done...or you need to delegate some of this back to H now would be a good time...I would just say something like "I am not feeling up to par and these things need your attention right away. Will you please take care of them."....do this by email or test message...avoid personal contact....this will avoid making him feel guilty...
All I can say is you have to pull it together....and only YOU can do it...
I would also rethink talking to your mom...I am not saying to involve them...but you need the support...yes it will hurt them to see you hurting...but being a parent myself I can tell you right now that I would rather be there for my child then find out after the fact....I would want to help my child in any way I could...my mother was extremely strong for me...I really didn't know my mom had this in her...I didn't trash H...although she did know about his A and that I had filed for D twice...but she always left me to make my own decisions...
(((HUG))) Now pull yourself together!!!....YOU HAVE GOT TO GET THROUGH THIS...there is NO WAY around it!!!...you can fight it...you can drag it out...but it will still be there until you face it and fight through it....like a baby coming into the world...labor is very tramatic...but also very necessary for the life to begin....so get with it!
