Thanks, Virginia. I appreciate your sharing your experiences, time for healing, etc. At this point, I just have no comprehension of how I could EVER go through the pain I'm having today for 12 months. I don't know how I would bear it...
And with the business, I don't HAVE a support team; it's just myself and H. So all of this pressure is just on ME because there is no one else that does what I do in our business - H does his part and I do mine.
I don't want to let him down and the people we do business with down... we have some mortgages coming due that I STILL need to do the refinances on, and I just can't bring myself to get the paperwork together. I just want to run and hide in a hole for as long as I can...
I know I shouldn't tell H that I'm feeling so overwhelmed with the business, but on the other hand, does he deserve to know? I don't want to make him feel guilty, and at the same time, I just don't want to do this anymore. I know I said I wanted to do whatever it takes to make sure I left no stone unturned to try and save this M, but to stay married to someone while they are sleeping with someone else and have to stay in business with them is almost getting to the point of being unbearable (if it isn't already)...
How do you know when you've had enough? How do you know when to just say "that's it; I'm done with this?" Jody (DB coach said it's too soon for the ultimatum, that it won't work in my favor, and I know that, too. I guess I just want to get on with my life, either with or without him, instead of being in this limbo land.
I don't know why my attitude has changed so much since I've been home. I guess even though I wasn't supposed to, I did have some expectations that the steps I was taking were going to have even the smallest impact on our R. And to find out that he's (probably) on a trip with OW? I feel like what I did backfired....
I've got to run to an appointment, but keep writing to me, PLEASE!!!!
