I went to the T today and it was a good session. He's asked me to do a biography of my M, which I've started. He thinks it will help me figure out what happened with us and blame myself less.
H called me today, which has really been setting me off lately. I wish he'd just email. But he wanted to talk about something "delicate" as he put it. Actually, it was a pretty big step for him to do that b/c he is so incredibly non-confrontational. It was re. D10. Apparently she was crying in H's car when he picked her up. She told him the sordid tale of my outburst earlier in the day. Essentially, I freaked out over ow2 and told D10 that she should go and live with H and ow b/c they are all such a happy family together. It was pretty bad, and I later apologized and told D I was ashamed of my behaviour. Anyway, H brought it up b/c he was worried about how my behaviour would affect the kids (f'n jerk! worry about your own behaviour!).
He said at one pt that one of the reasons he spends so much time w/ her and her kid is b/c it's easier, since S5 has someone to play with! Then he said that it's also stressful, since he is "on [his] guard" around the kids. I said, "What do you mean? You're not making out in front of them or something?" H: That's right. Me: Yeah, that must be really tough to keep your hands off her for a few hours when you want to f*ck her all the time. (charming, I know) H: some kind of denial Me: (laugh) Come on, I know what it's like at the beginning of a R.
We move on.
Man, was I pissed! WTF is he doing telling me how hard it is for him to not be all over her! Does he think I need to hear that? God, he's more of a moron than I thought. Of course, I did not do a great job of being pleasant. Oh well!
I will admit to being insanely jealous of ow, though not so much her and H (though that hurts), but b/c H is now finally acting like the H and father I wanted him to be.
When I talked with the T about it, he suggested that H has to do that to impress this woman who is 10 yrs younger than him. Good point. Hopefully, she'll come to her senses soon and dump him!
Okay, S5 is driving me batty. Got to go.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
