My Heart's Journey into the Unknown

[princess_nic]

Always:
You chose such a good board name: you are always there for the rest of us.

Step 1 to your healing is NOT taking blame for things falling apart. That is life. Things happen. We make mistakes. Our H's make mistakes. We find explanations and take our share of the blame, but just OUR SHARE.

I was speaking to someone today about that, and she really helped me. Her H also cheated on her, and she said that she did take responsibility for her mistakes (e.g. making kids too much of a priority, not building him up enough), but that she didn't think that would really have changed anything.

How about something totally zany. How about doing a teacher/exchange program somewhere, even in the US, during summer break, so you and the kids get to live somewhere totally different, just ask room/board for pay, and you teach? There have GOT to be plenty of programs like that....maybe not now, but sometime in the future for the summer.

I have wanted to do that for so long. I had planned to go next summer, but would need $5,000, plus I can't take dependents with any of the programmes. Anyway, I'm still thinking of it. It is a big dream of mine, and I'm sure it will come true someday. Actually, a former colleague of mine (now retired) is setting up a school in Uganda and has asked me to help out there.

I am so sorry this is tough. But in the end, YOU will move on faster than he has. YOU will have more success than he has. No one who goes through this, thinking they did nothing, will prosper.

I sure hope that is true. I guess the thing is that it doesn't matter how he does, really, it only matters how *I* do. One of my good friends has been trying to get that through my thick head! It doesn't matter if he's the happiest guy on the planet, as long as I'm happy too.

LFN:
Thanks for posting. I am sorry that you are on this journey, too. It does get better, though. I have mostly been pretty good for awhile now, just on a downswing.

Christy:
Thanks for your hugs. I know that you can relate to how I'm feeling. There's nothing like your kids coming home raving about how great ow is and what a good time they had with her, eh? Sucks. I hope you had an amazing vacation.

Alison, T2, AMD:
Thanks for being here for me.

Sven, my Viking friend:

Okay, first some (((((hugs))))) and for good measure, a kiss on the forehead.

oh my!

You might not know it now, but you have taken the hardest first steps. And now for a gentle 2x4 - this is NOT your fault - remember you didn't walk away - you tried - you hung in there and fought! It cannot be your fault.

Thanks for this. I can't hear it enough!

I'm with Jeff - and let me take it a little further. In your most recent posts, I've picked up a lot more color about the kind of "man" you are dealing with in your STBXH. Fact is, he isn't a man at all. How could he be? Real men don't run from their problems...real men are strong and supportive in the face of adversity. Real men aren't spineless wusses like you have on your hands. Do you really want a guy like that in your life? What you've got there is a little child.

If he seems happy - he's not. If he seems like he has changed - he has not. It is a matter of time - he'll figure it out. Time to let him go - there are better men out there.

Actually, I've been making him look pretty bad lately, I think1 However, it's true that he is not a strong person; he is only just beginning to confront situations that will be uncomfortable. This is a huge step for him. But you know what? It's a tiny one, and it's taken him over a year of "working on himself" to get there.

Thanks for being such a good reminder that there ARE really good men out there; men who stand and fight instead of running away screaming like little girls.

Nic, you have to remember what an inspiration you have been to folks on this board. Heck, by the number of posts you have, you must be approaching moderator or something. You have shown incredible courage in trying to save your M. Now, just slightly shift the focus - apply that same courage to yourself

Is this your polite way of telling me to shut the hell up?! j/k I feel like I've failed the others on this board by not fighting this D, but maybe getting through it with courage and dignity will be a different inspiration.

Thanks so much.

Love to all,
Nicola