Lots of good feedback but I will think out loud anyway ....
What do you want? What will you settle for until you can have what you want?
It is really that simple.
You want your M life with your H, and his mlc is not yet done cooking.
You are loosing patience. Ok. Books say if what you are doing is not working, try something else. You feel you are there and want to roll the dice. Instead, why don't you file? That is what you will get when you push a MLCer into the corner with an ultimatum. Mixing things up is DB, mot MLC.
You ask a MLCer what they want and the answer is "I don't know." They don't.
You tell a MLCer you aren't happy and they feel guilty. Then they act out in anger. They don't like guilt. They can handle anger.
You prove everything they have been saying about you being controlling or whatever. They say they don't know yet, and you push, so they must relent ... and get the D. It is their safest bet. Many of them anger you all along trying to force that move onto you, so they won't have to make a decision ... or bear guilt.
Don't play into that. Back off. Forget him and leave him be, unless you got a man in the closet you want to live with forever.
Many MLCers go ahead and file just because they are in pain, see you in pain, and feel the only thing to do is set you free with a D. It eliminates some of their guilt. They feel less guilty D you, than keeping you in limbo.
What if you were getting used to limbo? Tough. You get a D instead. Welcome to my world.
Writing them notes explaining things they don't want to discuss is just repeating the ultimatum in nicer more manipulative ways ... again with the proving things they accused you of already.
Think of court. The mean L asks you a question. Yes and No are good answers. Explaining things so everyone understands what you meant opens all kinds of doors. Bad things slip in through those doors. Don't try and maneuver the MLCer into a corner with an explanation. It is tougher than stapling jello to the wall. All you do is make a mess that they won't clean up, and waste good staples.
Instead ... put some Cool Whip on that Jello, and enjoy it outside on a beautiful day without the MLCer. Let them make their own. They don't deserve yours.
