I haven't read you entire post yet because I wanted to start responding...so I'll respond as I read.
First...since you have been lurking, you know the do's and don'ts and ins and outs of DB'ing already. You are already familiar with the cycling and rules of Standing...and it sounds as though you;ve done well thus far.
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I am assuming that he is going to decide that it is not worth it,
You already know this one...no assuming.
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is it arrogant of me to assume that the man that keeps telling me he does not love me anymore, actually does?
No...most people as k if it's denial, perhaps you are using the term arrogant with the same concerns.
At the end of this linked post is a list I created about Denial--it would normally show up as a table with the bullet points side-by-side...but Oh well.
You already know that MLC lasts several years. I know that after 17 months you're an expert at dealing with this stuff and perhaps that makes it feel like it's getting old. Well, it is getting old...and yet it's not over.
There is also a danger period when the MLCer does start to come around...but is still uncertain. The LBS gets thrown back on a wild section of the rollercoaster...and becomes more vulnerable to quitting.
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I kept hoping for a story book ending,
Which storybook? I mean do you really want the ending from Death of a Salesman? Life is much more interesting...and happy endings are your choosing.
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The sep has gone well as it can, he never goes more than a couple of days without calling me or e-mailing etc. Invites me over for dinner, only lives a 1/2 block away. The past few weeks we seemed to be getting even closer, I started having that dreaded hope again.
Hope is a wonderful thing...always present...sometimes lost, but there waiting to be found. Do not regret it or push it aside. What you must avoid in these circumstances is expectations. You can have high expectations for the finale...as long as you are not expecting each moment to be that finale. This story is not yet close to its end.
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Is this [letter] going to create further pressure etc?
Sorry...but yes...IMMENSE presure and/or guilt. These are things you show through quiet Standing and reassurances...let him know you believe in him, that he is a good person etc. He may deny...but be consistenet without being insistent.
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Is it DB to express yourself?
It can be. But in this case, express yourself through action...quiet and subtle action, rather than words. He is not yet ready to handle this openness. Approach him as though he is a cornered and frightened animal.
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Dear Husband of Mine...I have not heard from you since Friday...
Today is Tuesday...you mean the Friday that was only four days ago?
Sweetie, that is nothing. So as a Drop-In he's more regular than that. Even though you are showinghim that you are giving in...this is a form of pursuit. Step back and let this broken man cry alone. He cannot go through the dark phases with you hovering. Let him intitiate contact. And if it isn't for a few weeks...so be it.
Sweetheart tried to contact me...and I just didn't answer...for a few weeks at a time. Had I responded, he would have contacted even more and more and more. Step back and let him be for awhile.
You're doing fine...but he may very well be coming to a turningpoint or at least a phase transition...a Limbo point between phases. Step back and observe.
