So I didn't sign this stupid letter....tell ya what I did. I wrote my own letter saying I was 100% committed to making this marraige work, to meeting every one of her needs, and to making her happier than she's ever been before, no matter what it takes" and I signed that... I got a laugh out of her at least. BUT, it did open up a sort of a dialog, so I don't think it was a mistake...maybe this letter of hers was her way of getting to talk?? Who knows.. but we did talk about alot of things...and at one point she said she would want to see one day if I really meant what I wrote.. So, yeah, I don't THINK I made anything worse by writing the letter...and instead of going out she did come home and cook for us...didn't hide in the other room as usual...stayed with me, but didn't say much.
She kept looking at me as if I was going to say something....and I wish I had the magic words to say....but I'm kinda afraid to say anything, y'know?
So anyway, back to being the ghost today....
In the name of GAL...I got a car :-) Its a POS, cost $50.00 but its a baby step... got the insurance today...got to get it registered next. W actually helped me get the car...so that was nice of her.
I finally got in touch with my friend...well, not exactly, but his wife...she's a really cool person, easy to talk to, so I told her my tale of woe. I'd rather they hear it from me anyway and it seemed like W was going to tell them. She said she'd make sure my buddy calls me today so I can tell him too... not looking forward to it but I think its time...
Went to the casino Sat...with my parents...was cool, but not the experience I expected....got to go back with some friends I think... I do know that living with these people will drive me insane....I've got to find better solution.
Odd how you see things differently now...I kept noticing all these happy couples...felt really lonely...missing her...wishing she was there with me, even as just a friend...
Pathetic I know... I do have more moments of strength though...not a whole lot more, but more....and I keep it together a whole lot better when I'm around her.. I still don't feel like doing any of the things I used to do all that much....feel like I need something totally new to get this out of my mind. Don't know what yet...but I'm searchin'
M41 W36 D19 D17 Married 20 Years Bomb Dropped Feb 14,2007...Our Anniversary and Valentines Day
