Penny, It sounds like you're still in a grieving process regarding your M. The grieving process has a life of it's own, and we must be patient--the pain subsides in time. At that point, we have work to do.
I know that you've made a good effort as far as GAL activities, and have improved your general health and appearance. You have managed your business and family responsibilites well, and with dedication, even though your H has not been a consistent partner.
He is ambivalent about the R at this time. It will be difficult for you two to work on the R while he continues with OW. You seem ready to work on things, but am frustrated by his continuing pattern.
It sounds like you need to work on the detachment part of DB. It's an acceptance of where your R is at, and that you no longer are waiting for the person to return or have a change of heart. You keep open the possiblity of Piecing the R, keeping "the road home smooth and free of obstacles."
You maintain positive connections if they extend invitations, and you're up for it. You listen like a good friend. You develop realistic expectations of what your H and the R can offer at this time. You manage the difficult emotions, but act towards your H with compassion, civility, and kindness.
GAL, acceptance, and detachment are very difficult skills to attain, but are essential if we're going to thrive during our marital crisis. It takes practice and a willingness to adapt to the situations that we're in. We have to move beyond sadness, anger, and fear, and discover the freedom to live a happy life that is still available to us.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
