Had an interesting talk with W about her definition of 'strength'. We were at an italian deli restaurant and our son, who is normally outspoken inside the family, had to go up and order ice cream. W noticed how shy he was about this and said we need to work on that, that her brother had always been outshone and suppressed by her and their dad, who were more talkative and assertive and visible. That her brother had become quiet and withdrawn as a result, exacerbating this through his wife, who is also talkative and outgoing, while he is quiet.
By implication, she means that I am also this way, which is true: she does most of the talking at parties, while I prefer to serve the guests and be in the kitchen. One on one or with a bunch of engineers I am fine, enjoying it, and can hold my own, but parties I never really liked.
Is this a reason for her to reject/not respect me? Do I try to argue my way out, rejecting her reasoning, or become more assertive in the presence of other assertive folks? How do you become more assertive/more dominant in conversation/etc?
In Germany, working, buying chocolate, and meeting my favorite (male) cousin for dinner (whom I will tell nothing of our problems). Trees and bushes blooming, yellow and white, pleasant, but too many cars...
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
