I don't have a problem being an HSP and it doesn't make me feel like a victim. I appreciate my ability to discern subtle differences in things. It really contributes to my abilities as a musician, for example. I don't want to "do anything about it." I fully embrace that as a positive thing, and I actually feel a sense of pride about it. The HSP book has taught me that there is a reason for my sensitivities, and that it's a good thing.
Good for you!!! I think that is the issue some people are struggling with HSP idea. They think it is a "problem" that needs to be solved. It's not any more of a problem than height, color of your eyes, learning style, math aptitude versus language aptitude, etc.
What I CAN and DO want to change is my attachment style. That is where I (and cac4) were victimized. My goal is become (through the suggestions in the book, including therapy) an "earned secure," an adult who has changed from insecurity to security.
I think this is exactly right. And I think it is worthwhile from the FOO standpoint to realize that both you and CAC4 did what you had to in order to get through childhood. (CAC4 was right to avoid his parents and to give himself an ability for low anxiety. You were right to be willing to not avoid in order to get your anxiety handled) It's just that now those defense mechanisms aren't protecting you as much as harming your relationship.
I know things have been rough for the two of you but from an outsider's view in, it seems OBVIOUS you both love each other and want to work through this. That is a huge positive.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
