Cadesmom, Thanks, when you feel the pain of the moment, the path forward is not so clear as when other DB'ers reiterate the message. Thank you and I'll try to let go of my resentment building up - this BB seems to be a great place for that :-)
J-, Good to hear from you again, and I am glad you are headed to Alaska. Please remember that in my case, our first move was because of W's job. We then made a joint decision for me to relocate with the rest of the family following some time later. Well, 8 months became 12 and now about 21 (same as you). Now, we have an issue with my job going really well, a startup that is very profitable and I have a good stake in it - to walk away after leading the company through a troubled 1st year when I first started would be hard, and actually W acknowledges that it would be bad to leave now (she would probably get upset by it - she is counting on the success to help with a planned retirement for her in the next few months). I plan on working from home 1 out every 4 weeks, and we have hired a lot of help with the upkeep of the house and the kids' care.
She wants her space from me, and will engage with me as a spouse only after she feels that I can be her friend - the positive I am taking away is that she is willing at this point to talk to me about how I can be a better friend, instead of being abstract about it. I think she had a whole confluence of things happen all at once in Nov. last year - her health crisis, loss of an aunt, her mom's health crisis, her career slipping and her perception of an untrustworthy husband. As much as I would like to go back to having a normal married relationship again, that might be too much - what do you think? I am very interested in your perspective. We are getting her moved to a different house, so we all get a new start, and I am trying to be more attentive to her needs. I would love for both of us to go to counseling, but the last time I brought it up, when she was hell bent on getting a divorce, she was very upset by it. I still think she needs to let go of the past (I've had to do that myself, and DB counseling helped me tremendously) - how long should I wait for the new sitch to settle down before trying to steer it in the right direction. It still feels like we are staying married for stability, and nothing else.. Thoughts?
