I think you need to be a little careful about mixing up the Enneagram types with FOO issues. IMO, FOO creates who you are and helps to make you into a particular Enneagram type. I do believe genetic influences have a lot to do with our personality and therefore cause us to inherently have a certain Enneagram type. But I also think FOO can override a lot of the Enneagram, or at least tilt it way over to one side of the category or the other.
Yeah, I was forgetting that FOO is way more than attachment type. I think the Enneagram tilts you're talking about are the 9 levels (Healthy, Average, Unhealthy) which are the result of the basic type PLUS the FOO issues. IOW, a type 4 with a healthy childhood will fall into one of the healthy type 4 levels; a person with a very bad childhood will fall into an unhealthy level. I believe that I operated between level 5 and level 4 most of my adult life.
My point is that the Enneagram may give a lot of explanation for why you are in a certain category, but your negative FOO should really be more the focus of your work.
Yes, I understand that. If we work to understand the FOO issues and change our behavior accordingly, we will move up toward the healthiest level of our type. I think I may be at or approaching level 3 now with my additional insights into my FOO.
This is just a twist on the old codependency idea. Fused and enmeshed people are codependent. That insecurity is from experiencing a FOO that created insecure attachment, rather than being born with insecure attachment, a subtle but important difference. To me, the latter implies it is something you are born with and can’t do much about, whereas the former implies you were impacted by environment and therefore can do something about it.
I agree. I don't believe at all that I was born with an insecure attachment type. I know this is the result of my very early relationship with my mother. The HSP in Love book gives suggestions on how an insecure HSP can work toward becoming secure. This is some of what I am doing, or trying to do.
I’d say it was a consequence of being raised by a mother with her own issues who projected onto her child (unknowingly of course) because she could not understand that child. Furthermore, it could very well be that your insecure attachment helped to make you even more HSP, further exacerbating the cycle.
Yes, this is true. The narcissistic stuff makes sense too.
So I think there are some people who are particularly HSP, such as Asperger’s
Well, there's a correlation between neurological disorders, such as Aspberger's, and Sensory Integration Disorder. SID might look like an extreme form of HSP, but I'm not sure. I think there are a lot of fine lines.
but I lean toward the idea that the rest of the HSP’s are traumatized people
I don't know...this just seems oversimplified to me. Fine lines again. There are people who are born HSP and aren't raised by a dysfunctional family. They are still HSPs with sensitivities, but they have a secure attachment style.
Being very sensitive to having feelings hurt can be a symptom of having a lot of unresolved issues and not having a secure base from which to deal with those issues. With this understanding by both parties, a sense of compassion may be found to help give one another the support needed to tackle those issues and overcome them.
Right. That's the idea.
Thinking of HSP as a genetic thing that you cannot do much about seems to me to be fatalistic and could resign you to just accepting your fate and saying you cannot do much about it. That is victim thinking and I think you and CAC already have more than your fair share of that.
This is where I disagree. I don't have a problem being an HSP and it doesn't make me feel like a victim. I appreciate my ability to discern subtle differences in things. It really contributes to my abilities as a musician, for example. I don't want to "do anything about it." I fully embrace that as a positive thing, and I actually feel a sense of pride about it. The HSP book has taught me that there is a reason for my sensitivities, and that it's a good thing.
What I CAN and DO want to change is my attachment style. That is where I (and cac4) were victimized. My goal is become (through the suggestions in the book, including therapy) an "earned secure," an adult who has changed from insecurity to security.
