I think this is where I belong

[LoginName]

Hey JBF, just a quick note. Remember, I don't really know squat, especially about MLC, but.... I'll tell you my opinion anyway.

Had a really good few days feeling very detached, positive, forward thinking, etc

good for you. Don't stop working on this.

The good thing about these messages was that they really hadn't affected me one way or another

and again, Yay, keep it up.

This really cut me up because in our 20 years together we did a lot of travelling

and the rest. There are always going to be things, incidents, momentoes, other things, that will be unfair, hurt like hell, through you off or even back to that panic state. Fight it. Let the feeling flow right through and over you, then let it go. It means nothing. It can't hurt you anymore than you let it. You can't control her. Don't let her affect you.

my Mum hit the nail on the head when she said she seems lifeless and emotionless, even with D.

Still trying to figure her out? Still hoping to see signs of remorse, and possibly reconciliation? Again, just MHO, but I think that kind of thinking won't get you anywhere. You can have hope, if you want, that someday it'll work out, but don't attach meaning to any actions, facial expressions, comments, anything. You don't and can't know what they mean.

But, hope you're doing OK these days. Every day of survival is a victory, no? Time is on our side.