New Thread for 2940!!!!

[Heartbroken]

Hello,

First, regarding the move to your houese - YES. If he is out of sight more that gives you more freedom from wanting to control him or his side of things. You do need more space and I do not think that will push him closer to OW.

When I pushed my H to get into an apt there was a HUGE fear that it would all backfire and he would choose to ultimately end it with me. He even said he thought it would get better (with her) once he was on his own. It didn't though - it only got worse. We cannot control their feelings and actions - we can only work on us.

You also asked about the pain and sadness and how I dealt with it. My tag name is HEARTBROKEN because that is truly what I felt - physically and emotionally at the beginning of this. I think he even broke my heart several times since last August. The last time was in Feb when he brought her into our home - it was like something snapped. I said he had to get out, I was going for full custody of the kids but that I STILL WOULD NOT FILE for 4 to 6 mos. I told him to go play bachelor and be with her and see what their R was really about - I truly felt it was doomed to fail from the start. I was her friend for over 5 yrs - I knew her better than he did. She played me as well as him she is not a good person.

The pain was so intense that in the very beginning I had wished I had cancer vs him wanting out. I felt I could deal with cancer better than a broken marriage. Now when I re-read this I am amazed at how pathetic I was.

It will get easier - but it takes time. I did not start getting over the pain until I really started to detach from him. Go and read others ideas on detachment on these boards and here is a good website to see:

http://www.coping.org/control/detach.htm

I printed off the stuff on detachment and made copies for home, car and work and re-read it all EVERY time I felt that wave of sadness coming. And believe me there were tims I had to literally run to the ladies room to cry in a stall. I know the pain you are in but you have to go through it to actually get better ( what I think anyways....)

I hope this helps you!

Again you say you are impatient - but this is what you need to work on first. You cannot turn this around as fast as you would like - none of us can. My sitch has been going on for over 9 mos. and we still are not through it all. And I think we have been moving VERY fast this last 5 weeks...

I was out on these boards just reading from Sept through Feb. and did not post until I was desperate for help (early Feb). You got out here a lot sooner into this process and you have to remember it's going to take time.

I have three really good GF's that I talked/talk to EVERY day - got a ton of opinions from them, read over 70 books and scoured the web for ideas. Sometimes I had/have too much info - I just take what fits and what works for me... I am still reading three books at the same time right now. One on boundaries, one on reconcilling and the 5 Love Languages. I never stop reading...I like to research stuff to death!!!!

Just remember BABY STEPS!!!!