I need to just keep my mouth shut! I completely lost it last night and accused, cried, and begged. All this after a few weeks of stellar DB'ing (I only cried here). I just fell off the wagon because H was on the phone w/OW and I am soooo tired of it. In response to my breakdown, H accused ME of sabotaging all of the good feelings that we were building up. We got in a HUGE fight.
I am still trying to control the situation w/OW and I can't win there. In the end, I told H that I really don't have any right at this point to demand to know who he is talking to and when. I KNOW he is still having the A. It's a fact until he tells me otherwise. His comment: "won't it be nice to get to the point where it's not an issue any longer". Ummm.. YES!!! H says he's working on it even though it may not seem like it. I have NO IDEA what he means!
I give you so much credit - I had one week of H calling and txting her when I was in bed - he NEVER did this stuff in front of me. It was sooo hard not to snoop with him at home - that is why he had to go. I could not live with him and 'her' it was killing me.
You are being so strong and yes he gives you some words of encouragement - but it gets old just getting his scraps right??? Do not be to hard on yourself we all backslide, just learn from it and do better next time. You are in a much more difficult sitch than I ever was - give yourself some due credit!
PMA and remember those baby steps!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Thanks HB. H was actually talking to OW when I called looking for him. The blame game goes on and on. Like my behavior is the ONLY thing that is sabotaging the good feelings. What about the continued A? It's like he can't see the sabotage that does!!!! It's nuts and sometimes I think I'm nuts, too!!
I can't blame you at all. DBing is great but sometimes pressure builds up which ends up in an explosion. Your H makes me angry that he is trying to put this back on you for sabotaging good feeling. He started the whole sabotage with the A. I HATE how they try to reverse things and make us the reason for the problems. I hope during IC the C opens his eyes to how much damage he caused all by himself.
I wish I could help you with the comment he made, who knows what he meant. He was probably just saying things in the heat of the moment.
Heartscared, That's exactly what happened - the pressure built up to that explosion. I think part of my problem is that with every positive, I am hoping it will be enough for him to cut it off completely. Then when it doesn't happen, I get SO FRUSTRATED! I know that I need to expect less...It's just so hard..
In retrospect, I had a great weekend GAL! Part of the argument yesterday was actually fuelled by the fact I wasn't available for HIS calls all the time. I think it ticked him off even more that I had so much fun without him. In the meantime, OW was at his beck-and-call.
You are doing good as far as DB goes....and the fact that your H is having a hard time with getting "his way" speaks volumes. You should never be a doormat while he is having all his fun, but giving him a little attention will make him want more.....just a little, until he is "weened off" OW. But you shouldn't make yourself available ALL the time if you are enjoying yourself in GAL....this is YOUR TIME! H needs to understand this part...and from what you described about him it seems like he's the one coming across as "needy". You don't want a baby, you want a husband! So good for you Olive in not being available for him all of the time - you have a life too!
Another thing is that you are expecting too much too soon. I have the same problem, and I get frustrated and blow up. Happens every time. So now I just try to hold back my emotions because I know they will do me no good, but it is always good to vent and release some steam in other ways. I go to the gym now. And I work my butt off on those machines. I think I twisted my toe joint from all that running....but I feel good being at the gym on my time. Maybe your H will stop whining, dump OW, and start to join you in seeing how much fun you're having???
Just remember - YOU MATTER Olive!!!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I have to be a little bit careful about how much GAL time I take. I have always been fiercely independent. This can be a really good thing and a really bad thing. OW is at the opposite end of the spectrum - very clingy and always available for H. So, somewhere in the middle is where I need to be now.
I need to get my running shoes back on, too! ... I have no muscle tone left after all of the weight I lost. It's a great time to start lifting weights .. I'll get ripped!
I hate lunch time. It's when the "meetings" with the OW take place. She makes him a little picnic lunch that they can eat together. Too bad she can't figure out that her own H would probably have liked her to take lunch to him. What a loser!
DB'ing (I only cried here). I just fell off the wagon because H was on the phone w/OW and I am soooo tired of it. In response to my breakdown, H accused ME of sabotaging all of the good feelings that we were building up. We got in a HUGE fight. 
