I know this is a community devoted to saving marriages but my father referred me to this site given my situation. I am 28 and my girlfriend is 24. We have been dating for over two years and been living together for close to two years. Everything started to spin out of control with our relationship about three months ago.
My girlfriend became good friends with a co-worker of hers about a year and a half ago when she started the job. Over time, she began to confide in him personal information between her and me. This bothered me somewhat but I understand that there are times where you just need to vent to a friend. Over time, she and the friend became closer and closer. At times, I questioned her about him and she reassured me that they were just friends.
About six months ago, her co-worker friend moved across the country. However, he continued to contact her on more than a regular basis. Around Christmas time, he came back to town to visit friends and family. Of course my girlfriend hung out with him while he was in town. Since Christmas, things have taken a nosedive between my girlfriend and me. She began pulling away, not behaving like she used to, and so on. She also began to keep her cell phone by her side at all times, never letting it out of her site and there was constant text messaging going on.
I had a gut feeling something was going on and the one time she left her phone laying around I went through her text messages. I found what I suspected, and there were numerous text messages from her co-worker. The text messages were a bit much for being just friends and they went back to around Christmas time.
When I confronted my girlfriend about this, she told me that her friend had admitted that he had feelings for her. She said that he had admitted this when he was up here visiting around Christmas time when she was telling him about our relationship. She reassured me that he was just a friend and that the feelings were not mutual. Over the next few weeks, things between us got worse and I eventually got her to admit that she once had feelings for her friend but she had worked through them.
About a month ago, my girlfriend tells me that she is going on vacation with her best friend (we will call her Mary) and her family (who live out of state) to Florida. This does not surprise me since she has gone with them before. For the past few weeks, she has been telling me how she can’t wait to go on vacation to see her friend and her friend’s daughter and just relax for a while. She also stated that she wanted to just get away to clear her head about the problems we had been having and everything else going on in her life.
A few days ago, a friend and co-worker of mine (We will call him Rob. He is also a friend of my girlfriend and Mary) stated he was going to train on of our distributors who is in the vicinity of Mary. He told me while he was going to be out there, he made plans to meet up with Mary. The problem is, the plans were made during the same time my girlfriend was supposed to be in Florida with Mary.
Later that night, I went home and did a little investigating. I discovered a letter which contained questions and comments that my girlfriend wanted to tell her co-worker. Many of the questions were very personal and appeared to be related to their situation (ex. How he felt about her now and how she felt about him.). However, it was never written out what their situation was.
I confronted my girlfriend with this newly found information and she finally came clean. As it turns out, she is going to see her co-worker friend. She told me that she didn’t tell me because I would have not let her go and that she just wanted to go see a friend. I was not happy about the situation but there was little I could do. She left to see him last this past Wednesday (3/28) and gets back tonight.
Over the last two weeks as things have gotten rockier, my girlfriend has been stating that she was moving out when she got back from vacation. She wasn’t sure where she was going or how she was going to manage on her own, but she was moving out. While I suspected this, I just received confirmation from Rob that she went to see her old co-worker to see if things could work out between them. She was planning on attending nursing school here locally, but I also found out today that if things could work out between her and this other guy that she has already looked into schooling near him.
I love this girl with all my heart and we were talking about marriage only 6-8 months ago. However, I cannot tolerate liars and she has been lying straight faced to me for the past 3 months. I feel that she has given no respect at all. I also feel cheated because I have been working on our relationship to make it stronger for the past 3 months and I had no chance in hell since her heart and mind were with someone else.
At this point, I don’t know what to do. I would love to have some of my questions answered, but at this point I don’t even know if it is worth it. Part of me wants to kick her out and move on but part of me wants to make this work. I don’t know if I should confront her with this information when she gets home tonight or just let it slide. If I let it slide, I feel that I am allowing myself to be walked over.
