So we had a fairly uneventful weekend, I went to a "girls" party, and to be honest, it just wasn't as much fun as before, before I had to wonder about the state of my marriage. I wasn't sure if I should buy anything or not, a year ago I wouldn't have given it a second thought however now, I don't want to pressure or assume anything. It was very sad to realize how much as changed in my marriage! Then last night h asked how I was, and how things are, he opened the door and I went through. I told him that I am still really bothered about the my space stuff, that I just don't understand how it could be someone else using it, and that it really worries me that if its him what is he looking for, why can't he just be honest with me. He still was very adament that it wasn't him, and doesn't even know how it works, he asked me if I tried his usual pass word for things, and I said no, however now thinking about I had, and this morning when I went there again, the old password works! Last night I felt better, I felt ok he is being honest, but again I am back to him not, because its obvious, he went back and changed the pass word, now the only positive is that I can get into it now. So I am still at square one, the honesty, when is he truly going to be honest with me, is he ever?! I told him how all have this has really played on me, and made be question alot, I told him that I do love him, however I worry that I just don't seem to be getting better, and I worry that all of this could drive him away...he told me is isn't planning on going anywhere. The one good thing is, he handled it pretty well, there was no getting mad, or threatening to leave! so thats a step forward, although I do have alittle worry that it will come! So I am just going try and settle myself alittle and see what happens.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
