This is the emotional rollercoaster. The reason you need to understand your wife is nuts is that is gives you compassion and a little emotional detachment from the situation. You can't hang on every word she says. She's re-writing the maritial history, in love with someone else, discovering herself, going through some form of identity crisis.
DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT take any of her negative comments about your relationship to heart. In your converasations, fish around like a good divorce buster for clues to help you in your quest, but DO NOT let her words/actions control your mood.
I would counsel you not to get your in-laws involved. If your wife is a PK then she's probably in the process of distancing herself from her past right now. The more you align yourself with her parents the more she can easily view you as a symbol of her past life. Right now she wants freedeom. She thinks she's been living a lie most of her life.
Also...do not think you can have one amazing conversation that will convice her to re-consider. You life, lived fully with joy and clear purpose will speak more powerfully. And I think you are finding that you wife needs to be listened to, not reasoned with. Listen, validate her feelings and don't judge. You can't play the Father in this, telling her what to do. You can't play the Holy Spirit and try and be her conscience. You can, however, be Christ. You are called upon, right now to suffer for the sake of your wife and children.
Dude...this takes time. Some people take a few months, some a year, some 18 months, some two years. It's been a year for me, and we are now at the make or break point. It may work or it may end -- it's really up to me right now. Be patient.
You are doing fine. Ease back on the pace. Your wife is reaching out, don't start to chase her again. Let he some to you. Listen, validate feelings, don't judge. Have fun in your life. Start asserting you desires for your life. She won't respect you if you are a wimp. If you don't want to pick up your daughter, negotiate with her a better option.
