1 yr anniversary........when will this end?

[OldFool]

I've been keeping myself busy with the kiddos, working, doing laundry, and now I'm online thinking of what has happened.

Good for you.

I'm not putting up with his @*it anymore. I've tried doing the 180 (having the home cleaned, dinner ready when he visits, doing his laundry...just making it comfortable for him). I'm thinking of doing a total 180 now. No more Mrs. Nice wife.

I agree with you...sort of. After this long (and with the D in play), it's time for him to learn how to do his own laundry and fix his own meals too. But it's easy to go overboard and instead of simply no longer being "Mrs. Nice Wife", you become "Mrs. Hell Wife". Don't do it. Instead, schedule visits outside of meal times (or make sure you're unavailable during them). Go out with friends or by yourself to eat if you need an excuse. If he's dropping off his laundry (that takes a lot of nerve), tell him you've got a busy week ahead and will get to it when you can. Then let it sit for a good while before you do it. Consider it weaning him off of you. He'll feel it in time and you'll get a much better result then one day saying, "Wash your own &(@#* clothes!" when you just can't take it any more.

I'm through with guessing games.

Good. You shouldn't be playing them and neither should he.

He doesn't appreciate what I do for him. He says thank you and all but it's just not enough.

I'm not sure I understand. He is showing gratitude. What more do you expect for a kindness?

So far no divorce. He's postponed it. Good thing I guess.

Not if you want to be rid of him. But if you don't, then it is a good thing. Everything is relative and while it's not the greatest, I don't think you fully appreciate it's value either. Some of the folks here with the D final and everything over but the shouting would be envious of your sitch.

His on-the-road video means that either he recognizes that what he's doing could be misconstrued or he's covering for something (though I doubt it). Either way, it means he's thinking about how this looks from your side. Again, some folks here would give their right arm for their WAS to give any thought as to what they are feeling.

I don't know how to take this comment though..."subconciously I do miss you. something way back in my mind tells me that I do miss you. But here (pointing to his face) I don't". I don't know how to take that.

Personally, I don't think I'd spend much time wondering how to take it. I don't put much stock in what my WAW has to say because half of it is nonsense and I have no way of knowing which half it is. So I pretty much let it all go in one ear and out the other. When she's ready to have a "real" talk, she'll say so. Until she is (or until she is capable of saying that), there's no point in getting worked up over anything.

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I hope you gave yourself permission to have a good cry. I don't do it very much any more (I'm six months into the separation with D filed, but apparently "on hold"), but on occassion I just feel the need to let the sadness out. That's OK. You don't want to be falling apart all the time (and it doesn't sound like you are), but sometimes it's good to let it out. I've found that holding it in for too long just makes it worse when the dam finally breaks (and it always does).

My best to you.