New Thread for 2940!!!!

[Walking]

First of all - stop imagining anything to do with him and OW.

1. It is all make believe. You have no idea what he's doing with her, how much he is doing with her or where he is doing her. The bottom line is he might not be doing anything with her. You don't know. You are never likely to know. Assuming that they are spending lovely time together and being romantic etc etc does nothing except send you round the twist.

There are some good thought stopping techniques you can use. Google 'thought stopping' or ask Jody or your IC about strategies you can use. Wearing a rubber band around your wrist and flicking it every time you think of him or "them" is a good way to start - the element of self mutilation (!) serves to remind how much you are hurting yourself by making up these scenarios in your imagination.

Just decide today that you don't 'do' jealousy. Not now, not ever. Repeat after me "I don't DO jealousy"

2. Right now (and realistically, in most healthy adult relationships), what he does with his time is not really any of your business. A harsh lesson to learn. His life, his decisions. Like them or lump them - but you're not his mother. You can't expect to be able to control, and right now even influence, how he spends his time.

I'm worried that if I tell him what Jody said "This is getting uncomfortable having overlapping relationships, the business and the M, and I need to put some separation between the two," etc., that H might interpret that to mean that I'm going to be okay with continuing the business if we don't stay together.

That's the whole point. You do want him to think you are OK. Tam, he knows that you don't want your marriage to end. YOu absolutely do not need to make that any clearer. The objective of setting up these boundaries for yourself is to help him to understand that you will be OK on your own, you are not going to fall in a heap - and he doesn't have to keep moving away from you. He can move towards you. Remember the hand in the air analogy.

You don't have to be scared. I know that it seems scary and it's even counterintuitive, but you need to trust the process right now. Go with it. Don't give yourself excuses to back down on the decisions you've made. You donh't have to, you are strong enough to do this.