My ex called a few days ago to share with me her plans for our son's spring break. She wanted my opinion hoping that our son would enjoy the activities she was thinking of. It was a very pleasant conversation with a few laughs until she accidently mentioned the OM.
I didn't react to it in a negative manner but took the opportunity to explore what was going on. The last conversation we had about us occurred a few days after her Jan visit when she claimed to have requested space from OM, was reading self help material on happiness, and was going to seek therapy. During her Feb visit, there was never any discussion at all.
I started out by saying...I know you are confused and I want to be supportive. That was the last thing I got to say for awhile. She became very defensive....said she meant all of those things she said in Jan but she is no longer confused. She said moving to where I am was appealing so she could be closer to our son but she wasn't interested in starting something with me. After thinking about it, she has come to the conclusion she likes where she is and plans to move forward with her life. ( translation...stay with OM) She brought up how none of this was any of my business. I reminded her that I care and worry about her and will continue to be supportive. She said you don't need to worry about me.
If it had stopped there, then maybe we could close the door on this ordeal but she had more to say that puts me in the confused ranks with her. She said that she was better off where she was, that I didn't fight against our divorce. I asked exactly what it was I could have done....hired an attorney to fight the settlement? I asked her what was it she was hoping I would do. She responded I don't know. She continued by saying that during her Feb visit when as a family we went out, that while I was pumping gas, she lowered the visor to use the mirror when a piece of paper fell out.
She said she shouldn't have looked but did and realized it was a printout of email exchanges between me and a female with a comment from about wild pictures and directions to her home. She noted the date of the emails were after the Jan visit. She also made an assumption that this was an online dating encounter and commented how she was totally against that. She believed that people should meet the old fashioned way. In her mind, she could not respect me for participating and viewed those activities as a deal breaker. She said for me to go out on a date after those discussions indicated to her I wasn't serious about anything I told her.
Now lets put this in perspective. She was aware that I was on an internet dating service several months ago. I removed myself from that service after the Jan talk. The email she saw was not related to dating but directions to a superbowl party. The "wild pictures" comment was in response to one of those weird photo jokes that the same person sent me. I figured it futile to defend myself at that point.
So the question is. Was she ever going to inform me she had decided to keep seeing OM? Did she throw the email at me as part of a defensive posture because she accidently revealed that she was still with OM. Maybe she was bothered by the email? Maybe she is still confused about what she wants out of life....me or him? One thing is certain though. She confused me.
