Hello, I'm moving over into this forum from Piecing. I want to be in the company of people who are dealing with current problems of an OP. My W took a break from her sleeping elsewhere behavior, until it resumed this week. We are not yet Piecing, in that we are not jointly working on solving R problems. My thread in Piecing was, "Solving Problems as Partners."
I've been suspicious of an OP since 10/06. The sleeping elsewhere behavior escalated into Ghost Wife (GW) behavior for several months. It diminished back into sleeping elsewhere behavior this past month.
She wants to maintain contact with me. She is home for the most part. She maintains a job she dislikes, and contributes to the family finances. She invites me to joint activities--restaurants, dance practice, family outings, vacations and short getaways.
We seem to function as friends. We sleep in separate rooms. There has been only one ML session in the past three months. There are no ILY, or physical touch. There is no talk of D or separation (however, I'm starting to fantasize about one!).
I have been taking a stand for my M, however I can't live like this forever. I'm thinking of giving this one year to see if things improve.
I've read DR, and have found it helpful. I went thru the "dark nights of the soul" for the first several months, and began to implement GAL two months ago. I began attending a writer's group, and continue to do so.
My struggle now is to determine how much connection do I allow, and how much distance do I maintain? It seems that even though there is likely an OP, it seems that maintaining some positive connection will in the long run, be a determining factor in moving the R into Piecing. I generally respond to invitations to connect, by determining if I can be present in a positive manner. If I'm struggling with negative emotions, I decline the invitation.
R Goals: 1) CL and W will engage in positive communication. 2) CL will listen and be present for W during joint activities.
GAL Activities: 1) Practice dancing 3X/week. (lesson, venue, practice) 2) Practice yoga 3X/week. 3) Develop writing skills (30" daily). 4) Attend writer's group (bi-weekly).
I look forward to getting to know your situations, and providing mutual support.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
