Starting to really piece it back together

[Heartbroken]

We went to a social event tonight with a lg group - I think that most do not know our sitch (diff social circle) though one snotty woman asked how we were doing - she may have been snooping. But she has her own set of debt and H issues...Don't we all to some extent.

H had a great talk with a mutual friend who's now D for 2 yrs to due his WAW. This guy was a big boost to our marriage in that he would still like to be back with his ex W. My H heard how sucky it is to be D and to try and date 'good' women. H is going on three weeks now w/o the Ow and he says he is sad but still has no desire to contact her. We are making progress.

Ow did move out so the nightly walks around our side of town will now stop. Less chance for encounters - good for me and H.

Tonight after the party H and I came home and he slept here for awhile and then left for his apt - I handled it well though I HATE when he leaves - cannot wait for him to be home for good. Baby steps and I know be happy with what positives I do have.

It's hard for me because I have been the 'cheerleader' for 9 mos now when it comes to our R. I am still coddle'ing him and his feelings - when does he start to think about mine????? I do not want him back if he cannot truly start to balance his feelings with mine - not sure if this is getting too selfish on my part but I want to be an equal partner in all facets of our R or I want to move on without him. We have always been a team and for a long time I feel I have been carrying so much of the weight. If I had thrown in the towel a long time ago we'd be D right now.

The LBS's carry so much weight that at times it is down right unfair - and I know this was my choice but I still need to vent about it. Sorry just letting it out here vs with H - since he cannot handle me getting down just yet....