\:\/
Well I have tried to post many times and at first my Internet service was not working and then My h would run an errand and in the middle of my novel ( cause I have not posted/journal everyday like I like to ) I would close the page.

He really is a very private person, and I am not soo much. Even in my personal relationships with others I am open. I am learning also to keep more private though !
......but out of respect for him and his feelings and b/c I have grown so much by being a part of this online community. I keep posting but want it to be just for me and my well being.

He is ( RIGHT NOW) going to meet up with friends of his to talk and most likely for a drink and to talk @ work.

Last time I posted~
I was upset b/c he came home very, very late. And you know COG was right~

I alone can control myself and how I react.
I after all told him ' HEY YEAH SURE IT IS OK IF YOU GO~"
So why act like a spoiled child when he returns? I actually was ALL talk the other day when he called on his way home the other nite he made me smile more than be angry! He apologized for being out so late ( he called at 3:?? A.M.).

I normally would go berserk~

1. How dare you be out soooooooooooooooooo late.
2. What in Gods Name were you doing.... etc. etc etc.....

I was actually calm and COG helped me to see it is OK that he does this ~if it is OK with me.
I do not like it very much ,but I can say that in the the past would not call on his way home.
He would not have been so sweet.
AND THE NEXT DAY HE TREATED ME LIKE A QUEEN. No exaggeration! THAT ALONE WAS A HUGE 180 FOR HIM. I DO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES MORE AND MORE AS I GO THRU THIS~

So maybe before ( I know for sure ) he was sometimes up to no good I can say now that I have FAITH that he is OK and he is just being with his friends. it has taken me A LOT to get to this point,,,, A LOT!!!!
I used to sit up worried and wringing my hands together and just Panicked with a feeling of Terror really over me. I have replaced all that with being slightly annoyed.

I have also learned that sure it might be an awful situation for my neighbor or my friend but for me this is him and I am me.

I must say that just the other day I went to lunch with my Aunt and I took longer than I thought, but I also never said I would be home at a certain time and he was upset some( trying to hide it, but he did not do a very good job!) HHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM~
Aren't apples apples? And I really and truly did not do it to " get back " at him. My Aunt was having tooooooooooooooooooo much fun flirting with the waiters and she had one too many Martinis too~ So by the time we got out of there...

...it was @ 3 hours that I was gone and he was pouting more than anything like a spoiled child~ It upset me some but I ignored it and he eventually calmed down.

I must say that I must be doing something right b/c he is spoiling me soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. I can remember a while ago when he was telling me I wasn't doing what he needed or being who he needed and when I was he would be too. And how frustrated this comment made me. Well his brutal honesty got my A#$ in gear, I must say. And some beautiful 2x4's from COG and others here. Those were a blessing. So I must be doing something right.... I have been being very forward with him and flirting with him a lot too. I have been acting sexy around him. I have been kissing him a lot ( every chance I get) ,, he always said I never kissed him enough. And lot of hugging and snuggling too. He has actually told me more than once ~ with A HUGE SIMLE on his face mind you ~TO
settle down is that all you want me for ? You have to wait... ;\)
He is joking of course but it makes me laugh and he has not said that in years!!!!!! So as small as that is and as silly as it may seem I love it. He is also making me wait and then today when we ML, I let him know how I felt and said ^&(*)and(( and ^)(*)_)!!! So I must say I have really let my guard down and just let go .... He was thrilled to say the least.
And I must say that facing my fear was hard but ML without thinking about x ( the OW), y ( my insecurities) or z ( fill in
the blank with something negative)is FANTASTIC!
Things are going well and we are so much more comfortable together. I am very pleased and very relieved. He keeps talking a lot about when "WE" (not I) are going to Mexico. This alone is astounding b/c just a while ago it was as if he was going to go there alone or with one of our Kids but not me indefinitely.

Also in the morning when he is getting ready~
I flirt with him and show him how happy I am ~
I am very affectionate ALSO.
I said affectionate not naughty ;\) .
Like saying Good morning My precious husband.. or OOH you are loooking gooooooooood today. You know what I mean. And I never used to begin his day like this. Now that I have worked on me a lot more it seems to come more natural.
I will be reading Passionate Marriage for a bit tonight and then I also will watch a Movie with my kids and have some relaxing time just for me and my soul. I have to feed my soul too if I want a Happy Husband~
I feel very blessed right now but I refuse to sit on my laurels.. there is light at the end of the tunnel and when you think you cannot get thru h^ll you can it just takes a lot of hard work and becoming more humble. I have also realized that he does not define me.. I define myself.
When he loves me like I deserve then I shine I just really shine . \:\)
It is still a work in progress but what a beautiful piece of ART is it becoming. I am blessed.
God bless....