For Me

[fearless]

I wish I could say that I haven't done all of this. The bottom line is - I have given backrubs, footrubs etc...all of which H likes and he says - "thank you". I have given bj's with no request for return (which he also loves) and I have had no oral from him since we were dating unless I directly ask... In short, I have touched him in myriad ways and had responses ranging from annoyed to mildly enthusiastic to very enthusiastic and all with no corresponding change in his behavior.

It is much the same with our "heart to heart" over the email - he hasn't changed his behavior a bit... I asked him to be a partner to me and he will do it only in the ways he chooses to while ignoring my needs.

He does show me that he loves me. And most of the time I actually believe he does. However, sometimes the credibility of his "love" for me gets a little strained by his lack of respect


Karen,

You might be misinterpreting me. The questions I am asking are about understanding what HIS issue is. The great thing about your amazing effort is that it helps with figuring out the root cause.

Honestly PT seems to me to be an overwhelming issue for him even on the simplest of levels and yet there is a strong confirmation that he actually does love you (by using HIS LL to show it)

So one last question, have you asked him WHY PT is an issue for him? At this point he MUST be aware that he has some type of aversion to it. If all he says to back rubs and foot rubs is "thank you" (rather than "MMMM that feels soooo good") that says to me that while he appreciates the fact that you have done something for him, he doesn't necessarily enjoy the act itself.

I know you don't have the time or patience for it now. My last thought is that at some point, when you're not feeling angry, frustrating, impatient, you need to ask him without being confrontational. There just seems to be an issue with touch for him. It doesn't seem purposeful on his part although I am sure it FEELS purposeful to you!!!