Well we went to dinner tonight as a family, it was nice to see the girls smile and have fun. My oldest was tired so by the end of the night she pretty much ....well acted like a 5yr old that needed to go to bed. My wife at dinner mentioned that it was nice to see me more relaxed. I think I have my first 180. But our conversation was again very shallow and we both had a hard time looking at each other for long periods of time. We did talk a little about us on the way home from dinner. It what something like this. W - Did you think about us while you were away this past week? Me - Yeah <Silence for a minute> W - is there anything else you want to say Me - not really......... W - you have nothing else to say?? <she looked puzzled so I though I would throw her a bone> Me - I am in the process of finding out what makes me happy......I always put my happiness in making you girls happy and have realized that I need to make myself happy. W - oh .... <I think she was hoping for some drama out of me> Me - what about you did you think of us while I was gone? W - Yes.... <she takes a deep breath and thinks a little and then begins> W- I know that God will use both me and you <Takes a deep breath... then the kids interrupt>
I believe that she was going to say that he would use us but not as a couple... But I shouldn't put words into her mouth.
Well she is out for the night to discover herself. She is reading through some of her old journals and journaling in her new one. She actually asked me if it would be ok for her to go get a room for the night so she can have a nice relaxing weekend...What the....are you kidding me... I just did not answer. My wife and one of her girlfriends are going a few hours away for the night tomorrow so that they can pickup a puppy on Sunday. She claims that she just wanted to get a head start to the weekend.
I still don't know about this puppy. Neither of us has ever owned a dog, let alone training one. I'm hoping this puppy will bring some more joy into my home and not more frustration. Let keep our fingers crossed.
I should also mention that my wife is now in this lets help the needy mode. I believe that we should help were we can and what she is doing is not that abnormal for us but it seems like she is doing it to make herself feel better. I don't know maybe I am over analyzing.
Theoden,
Thanks again for your insights and encouragement. Yes, my wife has totally re-written our history. Some of what she is saying I can see.... While we were dating I used to play minor league baseball and the only reason I stopped was the fact that life style is hard on married couples. I did not think it was fair to put her through poverty with no promises of me making it. She uses this as an example of manipulating me and as an example of her immaturity. To be honest I missed playing but I never regretted walking away from it..I love her more then I did Baseball.
To answer your brain teaser: Yes....I have always found my happiness and self worth by helping others and sports. It did not matter what I did if it was mowing my grandparents lawn, coaching, teaching sunday school, helping a friend move, etc..... I am learning that I need to start doing somethings for myself.. I am trying to make more of an effort to hangout with some of my friends..Hopefully my neighbor will be stopping by shortly. Soon(in the next month or two) I am going to finish the bounce room above my garage. I enjoy construction, even though I am not a carpenter. I also plan on building a deck once the bounce room is completed. Now I need to some how get the W to work less, so I can have a better workout routine. I actually asked my MIL to bring that up with my wife. I was afraid if I did we would get into an argument.
I still hate the distance between my W and I. Like you said I need to give her her space so that she can start drawing towards me... Lets just hope and pray that she does.
Superdad,
Your absolutely right the lord gives us all free will even if the choice is againest his will. The bible is pretty clear about how god views divorce Mal 2:16 "I hate Divorce, says the Lord God....." But the bible also tells us that he gives us the freedom to choose. Throughout the last 3 months Gods will has been shown to my wife multiple times and she keeps ingoring him. Sorry if I am coming across as a religous nut.... I just hope one of these days she gets shaken out of this state that she is in.
