When the show was over, the nice man that I talked to before the show told me to be sure to tell H what a good show he missed... (God, is that YOU? I'M LISTENING... Help me hear...)
That's hilarious. I was already laughing when I was reading about the Italian stud (that first organsm in 24 years is a good trick to play with a new lover - but an evolved guy would be like "yeah .... sure...." but that cracked me up!!!
Well done. It's so good to read a post from you that sounds like you are really and truely having a good time and you have experiences to report. Excellent, excellent, excellent.
Your H is checking up on you. I guarantee he is outrageously surprised that you've gone on this trip on your own and he is wondering what you are doing there. Heaps of stuff is going through his head - he's wondering if you have hooked up with someone, he's wondering if he's gone so far he's going to lose you. He's jealous and he's scared because this is such a big 180 for you, he's thrown him for a loop.
My lovely xH told me a story recently that resounds in this situation. When we first separated I went to a wedding up the coast on my own. The groom was a friend of mine, he and I had worked together abroad. He was English and he was marrying an Australian girl. xH and I had only been separated about 2 or 3 weeks and right up until then I'd been saying "but you'll still come to the wedding with me won't you?" and he'd been non-commital.
I bit the bullet and went on my own. I ended up having a fantastic time,catching up with friends from all over the world (and to be fair, they were my friends, they all knew x but only as my partner). I knew that after I got home, he called one of my girlfriends who was there as well and asked her how I'd been on the weekend - and she just said something like 'how would you expect her to be, she's sad, but she'll be OK.' but xh told me recently that me going away that weekend nearly drove him mad.
We had done EVERYTHING together for more than 10 years and I'd packed up and gone away without him. Without any drama, without any demands on him - he said that was when he realised he had better really be serious about what he was doing or he was going to lose me.
Human nature is funny. That's what your H will be going through this weekend. He is starting to wake up to the fact that without him, you world will still go on. He needs to understand that so he can be very very sure of what the consequences are for his decisions.
Relax and let him sweat. Stick to business when you call or e-mail, but there's no need to respond immediately to his questions. He's a big boy.
I think the decision to move your office home is a brave and very clever one. You are setting up boundaries that he is going to have to see and respect. He's going to learn that there are consequences for his choices. That's totally in your interests. He can't have the best of both worlds, because you have too much respect for yourself and for your marriage. It's kind of like you have to be the grown up here.
Keep going Tam. This is all very very good.
I haven't been home for the last 2 weekends, so I'll be around doing the washing, housework etc this weekend (I let my housekeeper go because I decided it's time to 'look after myself' but I'm wondering if devoting Saturdays to house keeping is perhaps taking it too far!!!)
Lots of love
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
