Tabd, Thanks for checking in. I am taking care of myself.
I am just still numb.... Part of me knows this is what my XH needs... He needs to go out and see that the grass isn't any greener. He needs to miss me.
That is the sad thing is while he will miss "some of me" right now I would say he is having and has been having and EA with this 57 year old woman. (Thus the reason for my question.) turns to her for personal support, for someone to talk to, for somewhere to spend his free time. He spends every night with her. He hasn't eaten dinner on his own since.......Sunday Jan. 14th. And that was b/c we had 8 inches of snow. He spend every weekend over there. Sometimes it is just the two of them other times there are other people. But dinner is mostly just the two of them.
While I think they don't have feelings for each other, as in romantic, I think it is more of a neither one of them like being alone and they fill that void for each other. I really wish someone would smack them both in the back of the head and make them realize that isn't healthy for EITHER one of them.
She needs a life with people her own age. I am really sorry her husband died 4 years ago. I am sorry she hasn't found someone to date. But if she is going to be "alone" for the rest of her life she needs to get used to the feeling. She needs to fill her empty time with something. She needs to learn to be alone. She needs to find her own life. She has to stop robbing my XH of his. He is 28 years old! He is young! He needs a life beyond her 4 walls and his apartment. I am not suggesting that he NEEDS to come back to me. But he needs to live his life! He needs a LIFE! He needs to be alone. He made the choice to "rip my life apart" and leave me without a reason (or if there is one I don't know) and he needs to feel that sense of loneliness! He needs to know what it means to leave your wife and go out on your own. He wanted his own freedom. So have your own freedom don't be tied down by some 57 year old lady.
That is what makes me so angry. People around them HAVE to see it. How can they not?!? I am sure part of it is that they don't have to worry about her. My XH is there to keep her company and do things for her so it take the pressure off of them. But how can they see that as healthy for my XH. He told me he wasn't going to talk to me b/c he was taking his life in a new direction. How about he get a life and find his own way in the world.
He live 2 blocks from his job and 1 mile for his 57 year old friends house. Get out see the world! There is more to life than the 1 mile radius from your house.
I just feel powerless. I know I can't say anything to either one of them. They would see it as me trying to win him back or get him back. They would not see it as me trying to show them what is "really" going on.
Oh and even last night when she wasn't home he waited for her at her house (i am sure she had food for him in the fidge to heat up).
What makes me really sad is if I never get a chance to work things out with my XH because of this woman. And then years down the line he sees that he really does love me. It will be my worst fear. That I will have moved on and he will show back up. She is robbing him of his life because she is selfish. She has a need and that is all she really cares about.
Okay thanks for the vent. If none of this makes sense feel free to ask! R2
