He is leaving to be alone to THINK - now what?

[Heartbroken]

HB, when you have time or want to, would you mind elaborating a bit on how your h needs to sleep with her one more night before breaking up? what were the details? did you know of it beforehand or did he not let you know? Do you know when he made up his mind, and how long after that he actually told you about his decision? How did you feel and react knowing (before and/or after) that he would sleep with OW one last time? Thanks.

I did not know before that it was the last time. Though it pains me that on 3/8 he told me he did not want to file and that he wanted to come back to me he just had to figure out how to get rid of Ow without hurting her too much. Despite he was still hurting me.

I was with him for a part of 3/10 and even said don't enjoy your night (cuz I knew he was going out with her that eve) - this was hard letting him go knowing they were going out to dinner and would end up at his apt. He was supposed to have been at our house Sunday by 10 - to be w/kids while I went to IKEA. But with the time change he was late - I called his cell it was off and I got really pissed and drove by the apt on the way to shop. He finally did call at 11 and said the time chg messed him up - I said don't lie and I knew he had been 'busy' he said no and I said I saw her truck.

I was so hurt though I KNEW that was the intent of the apt - to be with her and see her in the light of reality. H was upset he hurt me and then OW ex H was making her life difficult and their vortex of issues seemed to be getting worse - H knew he needed to end it with her b4 he lost me. So when I got back from IKEA he said he was going to end it with her - and he did.

When he called a few hrs later he told me it was done and I just was cool. He asked why I did not seem happy - I said it's hard to believe he was telling the truth and he said well his actions would speak louder and he was right. She called him twice since 3/11 but he kept it non emotional and she has not called since 3/19 and I think she's done. She knows we are working on us and we are.

I did not know he was going to be with her and I did - duh I guess that's what the apt was about him having total freedom. Sometimes DB makes me feel we are doormats letting these WAS just have their cake and eating it too. He needed to get his fantasy bubble to be busted wide open b4 he could really see the fundamental differences between him and Ow.... H now sees things differently and the addiction is wearing off... slowly but I see the changes...

What is hard now is I still have to be so patient and this is getting frustrated. He is getting out of the selfish mode SLOWLY but I need to slow it down. I just want him to think of my feelings for once -he has to an extent (guilt wise) but not fully. This phase we are in is fairly hard to get through too - I need to follow my own advice and just keep taking those baby steps!!!! I hope this helps you...

The Ow was a big time liar and pressurer - she REALLY wanted him to file and he would not do that without me agreeing - so she lacked the patience needed to keep H for herself....