again...brilliant analysis, but the conclusions....not so much.
................................................................. You are in fear of yourself. Your are in fear of your own anger, and that is a battle you cannot win and one that will drive anyone crazy and seriously depressed. .................................................................
um, no. I am in fear of other people's reaction to it.
perhaps you don't understand quite what I mean by having to "pay". take a look at this thread...what is it now? going on 11 pages...best part of a week=a week living w/ a disgruntled spouse is the payment. and no, I can't just "choose" not to pay.
................................................................. Try to see that it is safe now to feel, to express emotions, to show anger .................................................................
try to see that "its not".
Maybe its part of the whole "HSP" thing...but these discussions are like walking through a minefield. one mindless mis-step, and "boom!". and you never know where its going to happen. I think it was fearless who mentioned recently "...whenever I find myself in a whole...STOP digging!!". well, in this metaphore, the shovel is my own mouth. That's the way these things always seem to lead. W's idea of "discussion" can be very lawyer-like, and every question is of the "have you stopped beating your wife" sort...impossible to answer without digging yourself in deeper. After a few hours of this, I find it easier to just "punt"...declare myself an @sswhole, and withdraw, hoping for better luck on my next posession.
................................................................. Last night, I wanted him to acknowledge last week's sexual encounters and say something like, "yes, last week was an improvement. I really felt closer to you, and I'd love it if we could have more weeks like that." .................................................................
I wanted to say that, because I really do think that. But you didn't give me the chance to say it. And its not an answer to the question that you asked, which was along the lines of "wasn't it just everything you could ever hope for"... 2 possible answers...one would be a lie, and promote a cessation of progress; the other...well, it just put us deeper into a tailspin. The "no-win" nature of these discussions makes them the real cheeseless tunnel.
anyway...looks like I'll have plenty of reading over the weekend. as if this BB wasn't already enough. @@@
