I still truly believe we are all doing the right thing.
We are about the only ones, the spouses and a lot of people on this board. My family and friends are starting to think there is something wrong with me. But they do not understand. My H is a real a$$hole a lot of the time, but I do give him credit for fully supporting us financially through this whole mess. I think that is what did not let me give up on him. He did not have to do that.
My H never wore his ring except for the very beginning of our marriage. He still doesn't. He always said he couldn't with his work. (which was true). THen when we would go out if he would remember he would put it on, at the end he did not even try.
Suprisingly, when H moved back home this time and we would go out he noticed I was not wearing mine and mentioned it and he even said "It would be nice if you would wear your ring". Shocker! I said ok. I think I wore it once and that was it. I actually don't want to wear and will not until he drops the OW. He has not said anything to me again and I'm sure I have seen him notice. He doesn't wear his either anyways. I haven't wore mine since I found out he is cheating on me.
It feels fake to wear it. I haven't told him that's why I don't. Let him wonder why I don't. You think he could put 2 and 2 together.
I get that from my family & friends too. However, they aren't as willing as I am to look at the things that I will admit to in the break down of our M. I have tried to look at it from H's point of view, however, he isn't to the point of looking at himself yet -- he is still putting the bulk of the blame on me. I am hoping to change that by me making the changes in myself & therefore in our M that need to be made. Anyway, as far as the ring thing goes, I have thought about taking mine off a few times, but decided it probably wouldn't faze him in the least bit anyway, so I won't take mine off as long as I am married to him, which will hopefully be until the day I die. However, your sitch is a little different, so I'm not saying your choice is wrong either.
How are things going today?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I'm still snooping! Can't seem to kick that habit. They talked 3 times today! I almost cried today because I am still feeling defeated, but I didn't and you know what I told myself... It is in God's hands and I cannot do anything about it, and I believe he will do with all this what he feels best. I prayed and that was that.
On the good side, H called me at lunch and after work to go out with him, but I told him I was out doing my own thing and I may meet him, but I may not. I didn't answer his call right away either. I called him back about a half an hour later. I am not going out today, mostly because I am just plaing tired and I will probably go out tomorrow and the other reason being, I am so disgusted from there BS carrying on everyday, I don't even want to be with him today. He was out with her yesterday, too. gag gag gag!
How are you doing today? I am going to go over to your thread and check it out.
Well, today, just here. Not sure how I'm feeling about things and truly, truly trying to just let go & let God.
How are you? What's the latest?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
That is what I am trying to do. I think that is the best way. Lord knows everything I have tried in my own hasn't worked when I have tried to push the issues. Let go and let God. AMEN! Hang in there.
This morning H told me someone called and threatened OW on the phone for her to leave me and H alone. She is really pullin for straws now! He actually believed her! I told him she is just trying to break us up and have him go back and live with her. I don't care if that is what he wanted to hear or not, but this is what I feel.
Another one of her games. Remember last week she called me on my work phone and said your H is still cheating on you and tried to change her voice. She is pathetic! She is also starting other rumors and my H believes her! Uggghhhhh!
I am going out with H tonight and I know this will be the topic. He wants to find out who called her(nobody)and go after him.
Just who I want to talk about when we go out... her.... NOT! But I will humor him. Again. Any suggestions?
I don't have any advice for you on that one b/c I haven't been there. I always used to say "you cheat, you're gone," but sure didn't kick H out when he finally 'fessed up 2 1/2 yrs ago! You don't know how you would handle a certain sitch until it happens to you!!! I have learned that the hard way!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Wow... I dunno what to say honey` He really is being a genuine pr*ck. Sorry to be so derogatory but jeez does he think you are made of steel? I wish I knew how to dig up my old threads... I used to feel so lost and would post everyday just to keep my sanity. I used to snoop too and it caused me agony. I used to feel like giving up too.. all of what you are feeling I too have gone thru. You are not alone we are here for you!
I guess what I really want to say to you is this~ do you think if you fight for this on your heart of hearts that he is going to fight with you too? I was not sure if my H was going to love me ever like I deserved... but I had to let go for me .
Not literally mind you but just really let go. I dunno when I cut the rope but when it got to be too much I detached and detached some more and just let go of any expectations from him. And that is when my sanity started to return. Let me know what you think.. I will be online for a while cause my h is out for the nite with friends so post and let me know how you are doing.
And what nice thing have you done for you, just you this week? Love, Ali
Hey girl! What's the update? Anything new? I snooped a bit this weekend. I know, I know, what good does it do? I now have a better idea of who is "friend" is and I know he is still calling her. Not sure how I feel about this. I think a lot of my feelings are getting packed away to be taken back out & dealt w/ once he leaves for the year. Right now, I'm just focusing on the M and, unfortunately, H all the time and trying to make sure he's happy and hopefully seeing things differently in our R. I guess once he's gone and there isn't much more for me to do besides call/write, etc. and keep it together here while he's gone, I'll have more time to ponder how I feel about him. Sometimes I'm afraid that one of these days, after all of this is said & done, I'm going to start looking at HIM differently! He's truly said & done a lot of things that could one of these days turn me very resentful and start disliking him just like he has felt about me.
Not trying to hijack your thread, but thought maybe you are feeling the same way at times?
Hope things are ok.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
