Cobra Both of you have given up all power to your Ws. All??? How about given up too much power or power in situations where we shouldn't? I am speaking for myself.
Then you both have the gall to sidestep any responsibility for even attempting these changes by hiding behind the excuse that you are concerned about your W's feelings, that you don’t want to force them, that you don’t want to D for their sake Cobra, I chip away at the R problem, some times by withdrawing, sometimes by telling BB she can have things she wants but I won't be part of her new life (the recent house problem where I said I wasn't moving but she could), sometimes by coming back to problems and doing something a little different.
that you don’t want to D for their sake Oh, I said that? I said for all parties involved, which is BB, “me“ , finaccial, our kids/grandkids, extended family members, and for so called ethical/moral/religious like reasons. I also said no D now because I still haven't fixed all of "me' that needs to be changed.
On a personal note, would you encourage your imaginary sister to date me if we were the same age? Would you tell your sister this Lou guy had points “A” “B”, and “C” together, but he needs fixing in areas “D” and “E”? Anyone want to play match maker but change this first?
Sometimes my ideas about R's are off base. Sometimes my ideas about R's are very-good but I don't know how to move from point "A" to point "B". Some times I have brass balls (harsh) sometime there are eggshells (wimpy) things between my legs. What I am looking for are hard rubber balls. Forceful but not destructive. I want to make am impact for the good of our M/R without breaking bones. Hurts are OK, broken bones not so good, especially when the bone comes through the skin.
...You want all the benefit without any of the cost. Again when BB complains about her body shape and tells me she isn't sexy, then I say "nice azz" anyway and rub her butt and show her my semi-erection through my pants at the breakfast table. So , I get the eyeroll sometimes, among other responses.
I will admit to looking for the less cahotic/confrontive way to solve problems. I will admit I don't like your "in your face" ways many times. Other times I see where "in your face" works.
If you’re scared to assert yourself, then say so to your Ws. That way they can adjust and at least get credit for being the ones working to save the M, not you. Stop making them responsible for your lack of backbone. What I want to know is how do you see the w's as working on the M other than making/wanting themselves to be the center of attention, more princesses like? The weak backbone I can see that part.
The idea of the co-operative R as being the best for a M has been in place for a long time. The newer idea that a woman needs and wants the man to take charge or she isn't happy, is something from before the ~1950 and has come into its own again. I recently heard of the book "The Way of the Superior Man" and "Wild At Heart" in the last year.
The new church I attend is the first time in a long time that promotes "de-woosification of men" seminars. Prior to this it had been sensitivity classes and training that have been endorsed.
Cobra, rather than see me as reluctant to confront BB, think of this hunting situation.
Shoot at a target when you know what is in front, in back, and to either side of the target before you pull the trigger.
That object that looks like a deer in the distance turned away from you, might be only a rock with a tree branch behind the rock. It might be something else.
When I am starving I tend to shoot and not be as careful. When I am not starving, not sure of what the many outcomes might be, don't have a plan to manage some of the outcomes, I proceed more slowly.
I see CeMar's situation as him wanting to be desired and lusted after. I see myself wanting to be in a R where there is an exchange of emotional, social, sexual, economoc support or comfort level and other things. too
For a long time I was sort of OK with sex with out much desire from BB. I know I can't make BB more interested in sex just like I know a H can't insist his W cum when they have sex.
I want the passion/respect/desire to flow both ways. I can talk with BB about the topic and move towards a goal. Some things I can insist on. Some things I won’t get. What happens later is to be determined.
