Okay, I think I might have done a little backsliding tonight. H called me about 5:00 and asked if I had anything planned for tonight. I said no, what's up? He said I need to come over so we can sign our tax return. I said okay that will be fine, do you want to eat with us? He said okay. I cooked lasagna so it still had about 30 mins left when he got here so I told him he could go watch tv if he wanted. I went in there and we talked a bit. Youngest D was gone to the movies and oldest D was in the shower. Dinner went okay. He was a little quiet, but not rude or distant. I had to initiate conversation. Afterwards he went and talked to D while I cleaned kitchen. I tried to give them time together. When I got finished I went in the den. He came in there later and stood behind the sofa I was sitting on and talked to me. He said he was going to leave and go take a shower and go to bed. I said you can stay here if you would like in a very level voice. He said I don't have any clothes. I said you have the ones I washed Sat. He didn't reply and I didn't say anything else. He thanked me for dinner and left. I hope I didn't come off needy. I didn't beg or plead, but it wasn't very good DBing.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yoyowife, I think you are doing great. You are an inspiration to me. My personal opinion is that h is ashame to face his daughters and avoiding them in case they say something nasty to judge him. That's why he calls you all the time because you are nice.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
Avoid being needy and clingy. You want to make all interactions end on a positive. Let the OW become the 'dark side'.
My H said I just kept doing things right and doing small things that he knew the OW would never do. I did get good at Dbing but at times I went with my heart. You know your H and your sitch way better than any of us.
All we can do is offer support and ideas but YOU and only YOU know best how to act and be with H!!! We all are in this together though all our sitch's are diff despite the common threads. What may work for my H may not for yours - you have to balance your heart, gut and DB advice.
Baby steps one day at a time and keep up the PMA!!! I know it is incredibly hard but these A all are like a textbook. They all think they are some Romeo and Juliet unique couple 'in love' yet I see all over these boards how NOT UNIQUE they really and truly are!!! You are doing great - keep at it!!
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I just got back from getting my haircut. The hairdresser asked me if we would by a football program ad from her daughters who cheer for next fall. I told her I would get with my H, but didn't see that it would be a problem. After I left I called to tell him to take a business check and told him when his hair appt. was. I kept it brief and upbeat. He was also very pleasant. The phone call was probably less than 30 sec., but I was being the kind wife. Thanks to Ourcrisis, Theoden, and Root for giving me input. It really does help to have all of your support.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
YYW, I found your thread by looking after Theoden's posts. He has helped me a lot too and is a Zen master. You are an inspiration as well, great DBing. I will definitely be following your thread for inspiration and motivation in dealing with my WAW.
SD.
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
SD, Thanks for the support. You are right Theoden is the Zen Master. Don't know what we do without him and all of the other people on here. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but it seems like sometimes I'm just treading water. All we can do is keep DBing and supporting each other. Prayer is also a wonderful thing!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Just want to chime in on backsliding. It's normal to back slide once in awhile. It happens to all DBers. Also, I think it's okay to be friendly and extend invitations once in awhile. You just have to keep expectations low and attitude positive.
Theoden makes a good point about not inviting him to stay over next time. In fact, I'd dress supersexy (like I have plans later!!!), and vamp it up a bit.... think Marilyn Monroe and have some fun with it!!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I'm no Zen-Master. My divorce isn't busted yet. Everything's a big question mark in our lives. Heartbroken is the real hero. So is Frank. They've done it.
If any of you can pray for me this morning, I'm really sad and raw.
Theo, I'm sorry you are down today. It must be something in the air because I have been feeling down for the past couple of days also. I will pray for you.
YW
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
