SAD WHEN OW COMES BEFORE HIS KIDS!!!

[MidwesternGirl]

Chicki:

You might find this helpful. It is from the Charlyne Cares site:

22 HARD FACTS ABOUT STANDING -

"Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He
will understand them. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous
walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them." Hosea 14:9

Saturday we received a brief letter from a woman whose husband has
been home for many years. Not only did she update us on her family,
but she also updated us on a fellow stander whose husband has also
been home for several years. Receiving letters like this are like
vitamin shots to our souls.

I looked at our notes on both of these successful standers and
thought about the spiritual lessons they had both learned while
standing. How I wish we had a way to impart all that knowledge to
every newer stander today. The best I can do is to share with you
some of the hard facts about standing. Not all these are what you
might want to hear, but they are what you need to know:

- - - - -

"My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge..." Hosea 4:6

1. Do not expect people to understand or to support your stand for
marriage restoration. God has given to you, not to others, the
assignment and the burden to stand with Him and to pray for your
spouse. Because of this, you must always look to God, and not to
people for your support.

2. The day that you promise God that you will stand for your
marriage, you become like a lightening rod for attacks from the
Enemy. Expect to be tempted in ways you never imagined. Anticipate
the circumstances to become worse. Know that you and your family are
now a threat to the work of Satan and the evil one and his demons
will attempt in every way to get you to give up. If you are a
lightening rod for satanic attacks, Jesus Christ is your Ground. He
alone can protect you from every harm.

"If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have
forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the
sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit
us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." 2 Corinthians 2:10-12

3. Always remember that this is a spiritual battle, and spiritual
battles are won with spiritual weapons. Your following someone’s
secular program in hopes of marriage restoration is like going into
war in Iraq armed only with a toy water pistol.

4. Your beloved mate has been taken captive by Satan to do his evil
will. The words and actions that hurt you today are those of the
Enemy, and not your spouses’s. Remember, Satan is the father of all
lies, so do not expect to hear the truth from your prodigal spouse.

5. One way or another, your prodigal will witness or hear about your
changed lifestyle when you start looking to Him alone to heal and to
restore your marriage and family. Your prodigal, with their life in a
tailspin, will be strangely attracted to the peace that you have, in
spite of the circumstances. Claim that peace by a consistent, close,
loving relationship with Jesus Christ. The peace that attracts
prodigals comes from God alone, and not from any self-help or secular
program designed to get your spouse back in the door.

6. Always remember, this is not about coaxing or manipulating your
prodigal spouse back home so that you will be happy. It is a life or
death battle for the eternal destiny of your prodigal’s soul. The
end result will be life eternal, in Heaven, or a life in Hell,
depending on what your beloved does with Jesus.

7. Your stand is about much more than you and your spouse. It is
also about your family, your circle of influence, your future
generations, and even people you may not even know who are silently
following your example.

8. In most instances, your prodigal spouse is better off living in
their home than outside. We understand there are safety and health
considerations, but forcing them to leave the family home is often
turning them out to Satan’s playground. As long as they are in the
home, you can better detect your mate’s spiritual needs and thus pray
for them.

9. Expect every area of your mate’s life to change as they silently
seek relief from the torment the Enemy is bringing their way. Do not
be wiped out by job changes, moves to distant places, new hobbies and
attractions, or even an often-forced attempt to legalize their
adultery by entering a non-covenant marriage to another person. If
you are standing strong, God still considers you to be married.

10. Regardless of why your spouse left home, and in spite of what
they are saying, most prodigals become involved with another person
during their far country experience. Do not be devastated if that
happens.

11. No matter what professional-sounding tag has been attached to
your wayward spouse, the bottom line is that every husband or wife
who has ever walked out on a marriage have all done so because of
sin. Your beloved might have a sex, substance or selfishness problem.
They might have been diagnosed, often by a professional who has never
met them, with a chemical imbalance, bi-polar disorder, or mid-life
issues. Regardless, they still have a sin problem. Marriages are
healed when spouses stop making excuses with man’s terms and start
dealing with their mate’s sin problem in the prayer closet. (Does it
strike you as odd that someone can diagnose your spouse without ever
meeting them?)

12. No other human can tell you the exact day your prodigal will
repent and come home. We know of too many good standers who have
been almost destroyed when someone traveling through town prophesies
an exact date for restoration, and that date comes and goes without
anything happening. The date is God’s business and not man’s. As a
stander, you need to live every day as though today was your day of
restoration.

13. Allow God to be God in bringing your prodigal home to Himself,
and home to you. Be careful not to set stipulations for your
prodigal’s return without seeking God for His will. Be wary of any
individuals who want to help you set rules for a prodigal’s return.

14. Standing is not reciting a prayer, nor is it attending meetings,
or talking the talk of a stander. It must become a way of life for
you. That way of life is living like Jesus did. There must be no
place for sin, in any form, in your life. If you call yourself a
stander, you must want to see how far from the line called sin you
can live, and not experimenting with what God will allow you to get
away with. The sinful things of this world must be constantly
dropping from your life, as they are replaced by the things of God.
For example, developing a desire for Christian music; music that will
give you answers, and help, and support instead of music from the
world.

15. Standing is not learned, nor is it mastered all at once. It is
learned one step (or one mistake) at a time. God allows for mistakes
in standing as you learn. I cannot tell you how many times each
month a person who is serious about standing tells us how they
have “really blown it” with their Lord God, or with their mate. No,
you have not. God allows mistakes, and He forgives them when we
repent. The only way you can “really blow it” is by giving up on God
and on your prodigal spouse. Even then, God allows fresh starts.
Somehow, he covers over all your mistakes, when we sincerely repent,
like the tide washing across the beach. Every sign of imperfection
is washed away.

16. If standing becomes "too hard" and you "can’t do it any more,"
(whatever that means) and you give up standing, nothing is going to
be any different about your life tomorrow. Your prodigal spouse will
be the same, as will your circumstances. The only difference is that
you have given up your hope and, in effect have bought into, "Some
thing are impossible for even God," a statement that simply is not
true. If you limit God in marriage restoration, you are also going
limiting Him every time you need Him in the future. Nothing is
impossible with God.

17. Another hard fact of standing is that you should stay away from,
and not accept advice from people named "They." We often hear
how "They feel God has someone better for me," or "They said I should
get on with my life." When "They say my marriage is hopeless," we
want to reply. It’s not about what "They" say, but about what God
says. You cannot be listening to "They"” and God at the same time.

"The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the
wise seek it out." Proverbs 18:15

18. You might have heard me say previously that if there had been an
Internet and email 20 years ago, when we were divorced and Charlyne
was standing with God and praying for me, I am not certain that I
would be here today. If I, as a prodigal spouse, had read some of
the things about me that even good standers post all over the
Internet today, I would have run the opposite direction. It is almost
as if today’s standers think they are having a private conversation
with a friend, when they diagnose and disclose the mates faults and
weaknesses online. There is Internet access in the pigpens of life
also, and prodigals read the message boards and chat rooms–and
additional damage is done to already troubled marriages.

If every stander could give God half as much time as they are giving
their computer for a six month period, we would see marriages
restored in droves. Since some standers are addicted to the chat
rooms and other online activities, I suspect that will never happen.
Instead, they’ll keep limping along, typing, "You won’t believe what
he/she did now," and the soliciting advice, not from God, but from
online friends, many whom they have never seen face to face, and some
of whom are not even who they claim to be. Our standers will keep
typing out prayers online, and calling it devotional time, instead of
getting on their face before Almighty God, and crying out to Him.
Before you say, "Nothing’s happening in my stand," Charlyne and I
would ask, “What’s happening in your prayer closet?”

19. It is a hard fact that God is on your side. His Word has
direction for every situation you will ever face. People may declare,
based on human reasoning that, "It's over," but God never does.

20. DO not allow other hurting people to help "fix" your problems.
If they can't fix their own problems, why allow them to have input to
yours? That is God's job, and not one for other humans.

21. The prodigal journey home is filled with false starts. Please be
prepared for these. Standers are being wiped out by, "He/She came
home yesterday and left again today." This is all part of the
prodigal process. You must be aware of, and praying against, the
spiritual battle that is raging for your beloved. (As an aside, let
me say that most prodigals who are on the way home are doing the very
best they can, in light of their absence of spiritual weapons for
this spiritual battle. That is why your prayers are so important.)

22. Prodigals do come home. We come home, not to people who are
dabbling in standing, but we come home to spouses who are serious
about their relationship with Jesus Christ, and serious about praying
their spouse away from Hell. We come home to standers who are not
blown away by the unexpected. We come home to praying spouses who
have not set deadlines for God, nor for us. We come home to standing
and waiting spouses who strive to cover our sinful nakedness in front
of others, not sharing everything they know or suspect. We prodigals
come home to spouses who are walking with God 100% of the way. May
you start today to be the kind of godly stander that prodigals come
home to, (suddenly!)

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in
knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern
what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ,
filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus
Christ—to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11

Standing with you,
Bob (and Charlyne) Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.®
Post Office Box 10548
Pompano Beach, FL 33061 USA
http://rejoiceministries.org
http://howtostand.org