The view is great!

[Holly06]

Well, good timing on the counseling appointment tonight.
I cried for the loss, for the shame of it all. That I am not able to be a part of the family like I would like to be. I would have taken a leave of absence from the job I love to help care for this man. Now, all I can do is stand by, and wait, and listen.
He is a good and gentle man. He is the one standing in the corner, waiting to be the life of the party. He is the one who has that perpetual smile on his face, but you doubt that he gets the joke sometimes. He is the first to roll up his sleeves and wash the dishes at Thanksgiving and Christmas. He NEVER complains about the burden of his wife. Instead he sheds tears for the potential loss of her. This is the man that is facing cancer tonight. And I can not comfort him, or his son.

We talked about the e mail exchanges we had today. Steve said it was perfect. It was real. TJ's response was thoughtfully worded, and a huge step, in response to my risk of " I'm here".
That and the words from his sister about the R between OW and TJ, as well as their certainty that this relationship will not last, and that SHE IS JUST LIKE ME!!!!!!! speaks volumes about the progress that has been made by TJ. Don't get me wrong, he is not even 1/2 way there yet. But at least he is coming towards me. He has a direction. That is all. He has not done any spewing, or taking backwards steps. I know they will come, but, we discussed them. This is C oppinion, that I need to get ready for him to reach out.
We also talked a bit about what it means that OW is like me. He said that he was looking for me in his MLC minus the guilt and pain.
Plus he has a pattern of coming back to me. So
I am hopeful. I am sad.
Please keep "Ed" in your prayers tonight. He is a good man.
Holly