I don't know if all MLC'ers go through this or not. I can only speak from my experience and what I observed from my Beloved's behavior.
It was absolutely ugly!
It was different then the other stuff, I don't really know how to explain it, it was almost like he began to start calming down and I thought there were tons of positive things happening in our relationship and all of a sudden he just flipped out.
First there were waves of deep depression which I thought were him cycling because he would call still me to talk.
He would actually share his feelings about things.
Then he would flip back into anger, and I mean real anger.
Spewing forth everything from the pits of hell.
And I was the target.
Then the replay was back in full swing and he was out being Mr.Single again.
Then back to the deep depression, sleeping his whole weekend away, having nightmares about the children, and long conversations (about 3 hours at a time) about his childhood and his Father.
The another few spew sessions and nasty emails.
And then it suddenly stopped, very abruptly.
That little cycle lasted only a couple of months.
This is when he began to make steps forwards again.
It was almost like someone changed his MLCBS battery and gave him a new one, a new perspective on life.
All of a sudden I wasn't the witch from hell out to get him.
Now I was a good friend, a good Mother, and he loved me.
Wierd stuff!!!
He still has little pockets of depression but he will tell me now that he is feeling blue and we talk about it.
There are still issues he has with his childhood, his Mother but he is working it out properly.
I tell you Holly, this has been one helluva ride!!!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Bad news. Most likely cancer in my father i law. He has not yet had a life to live, he has been caregiver to mother in law, who is still here.
Prayers. This family will be in crisis.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I am so sorry to hear that. I will pray extra hard for him as you all did for my son.
Keep us posted.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Probably the same role when anyone is going though this...listen and validate. You are good at that. I am sorry. TJ is going to have to face a lot in the coming period. It may make him re-evaluate his life.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Bad news. Most likely cancer in my father i law. He has not yet had a life to live, he has been caregiver to mother in law, who is still here.
Prayers. This family will be in crisis.
I am sorry to hear of this Holly.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Well, good timing on the counseling appointment tonight. I cried for the loss, for the shame of it all. That I am not able to be a part of the family like I would like to be. I would have taken a leave of absence from the job I love to help care for this man. Now, all I can do is stand by, and wait, and listen. He is a good and gentle man. He is the one standing in the corner, waiting to be the life of the party. He is the one who has that perpetual smile on his face, but you doubt that he gets the joke sometimes. He is the first to roll up his sleeves and wash the dishes at Thanksgiving and Christmas. He NEVER complains about the burden of his wife. Instead he sheds tears for the potential loss of her. This is the man that is facing cancer tonight. And I can not comfort him, or his son.
We talked about the e mail exchanges we had today. Steve said it was perfect. It was real. TJ's response was thoughtfully worded, and a huge step, in response to my risk of " I'm here". That and the words from his sister about the R between OW and TJ, as well as their certainty that this relationship will not last, and that SHE IS JUST LIKE ME!!!!!!! speaks volumes about the progress that has been made by TJ. Don't get me wrong, he is not even 1/2 way there yet. But at least he is coming towards me. He has a direction. That is all. He has not done any spewing, or taking backwards steps. I know they will come, but, we discussed them. This is C oppinion, that I need to get ready for him to reach out. We also talked a bit about what it means that OW is like me. He said that he was looking for me in his MLC minus the guilt and pain. Plus he has a pattern of coming back to me. So I am hopeful. I am sad. Please keep "Ed" in your prayers tonight. He is a good man. Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
