It's whether or not she is unhappy enough to do anything about it. I ?forced? the BB wanting a new one-level house issue. BB just called for an orthopedic appointment. Not deflecting LFL, just something related.
Even if BB says she has issues but doesn't know how to change I know me making suggestions will only keep the pot from boiling or as some people say, avoid digging the hole deeper. BB has to find her way out of some of our marital holes.
My M is a good example. H was depressed, he left, that made me extremely unhappy, and the rest you know about. Yes, I followed your thread closely. Maybe a little too close!
I also respected lots of your to-the-point advice. For example, last night we had a little kiss and make-up time. BB was saying one thing (sort of distancing) but I was reading her body language as wanting to be closer. I was doing the try something and see how it works, rather than listening for verbal clues.
Granted, H and I both come from psychological training so we have some insight into what does and does not work I am aware of all of the experience and professional skills people have that post on this forum. I am also surprised in some ways that the more knowledgeable people have as many R problems, but then again, I realize people are people with similar wants and emotions. We drink the same Coke/Mountain Dew/etc from a can and tie our shoe laces about the same way. I can see why our individual problems have similarities.
I also see where education and learned experiences can help make improvements to most people's marriage.
Everyone makes mistakes, but correcting them is the hard part. Takes lots of effort and I'll say again, rewriting some of the history. If you do not believe in at least some basics, like changing your thoughts, can change your feelings, can change your behaviors etc, I think it is a much harder road. I have no disagreement with any of this LFL. I will go as far as saying even Albert Ellis has some valid points.
Right now I would like it if BB and I would pick a model/book and use it to work on a few elements of our R. This is so we can use similar terms with similar meanings.
Right now, BB's term for working on the R is me throwing my business things in the trash and spending lot’s of time adoring her. I want her to stop buying or wanting to buy things and be happier with what we have. Of course I want more PT, sex, less "I want xyz" from BB, and to hear the words "lover boy" directed at me, not the d dog.
