I wish that I had a magic wand to take both of us back in time and right all of these wrongs. Who knew ?
I have been seeing a family counselor. My kids are getting totally out of control. The going between two households is making them act up and out. I don’t have the energy to try and fix it either, truth be told. I mean I spent so much time focused on fixing things with their father that I think I totally mucked it up for all of us. My kids call me cranky and tell me that I do not smile anymore. It is true. I don’t smile. I am having a hard time lately just dealing with it all. The financial problems. The part time parenting and their behavior when they come back from their grandmother’s/father’s house. The responsibility and weight of all of this (childrearing, homestead maintaining, wondering what will happen to me…) resting on me while you know who gets to be the hero… and ride off into the sunset on a motorcycle in a blaze of glory flocked by all sorts of people that just a short time ago he would have never hung out with … I as usual get to be the bad guy. I get to the responsible one and I AM SICK OF IT. I don’t have a better solution but I AM SICK OF IT. Now, for the first time ever, I will not be with my kids on a holiday. No Easter egg hunt, fancy hair dos, or baskets. No special dinner. They will be with their father.
I never saw any of this coming, funny how being self centered in MLC can make you end up, huh? This whole experience has changed me and I am not so sure for the better …
My stomach has been so messed up with thinking about this cs court date that I just cannot function. I never had a nervous stomach before but somehow now . I do not talk to my husband at all. He does not come over at all. I am deeply saddened to think that this has taken a turn like this. I must admit that I cannot see how it will end but I do sense that I am changing. I am tired of this. I want my life back (as most people here do). I am tired of groveling. I am tired of being second best, actually of not even existing. Today, I feel hatred and I know that I should not but, today… I do.
Well, it is a few days to the CS hearing. I am nervous. I am really, really, really nervous.
I really do not know what to expect at all. I am just hoping that it will go fast and be handled on one day. It has taken all of my nerve to get to this point. I guess that this will prove to be a test for me. I know that the next exam is just around the corner and i will have other decisions to make. I just hope that I can. I just hope that I will make the right decisions-for me and my kids.
Thanks for all of the prayers, advice and good vibes.
The only reason you should be nervoues, is that you don't want the Judge, asking you for your phone number. I seen your pic, I know what I am talking about.
You are doing the right thing by your children.
They have to see the consequences of their actions.
You will shine like you always do .
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
Yup mama, go in their dressed to kill! Hold your head high.......be proud of yourself, stand strong in your convinctions. If possible, make it known that you stand for your marriage, that you are purely there because of his actions!!
You'll be fine!!'
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Awww. You guys are so nice to me. I went to pick up my taxes yesterday and the CPA and his staff were like,"You look WONDERFUL." They told me about a time not too long ago when I called and just burst into tears. I honestly cannot remember but, I believe it.
I still feel like crying but most of the time I feel like I can hold it in a little better.
Thanks for the compliments but I really have yet to see myself that way. With all of the rejection from you know who, I just feel sort of low.
Went to counseling yesterday in an attempt to beef up for tomorrow and counselor told me that I am an attractive woman. Don't feel it but it is good to hear.
I have seen you guys in photos too, you are both very hot.
