If a person (BB) doesn't deny their issues, but they don't see how they can changes, AND they also seem to be fairly happy campers, why on earth would they want to change? They (BB) will change if I am about to leave the R. but then, there is that worrysome air (my feelings of guilt) of blackmail.
Then that is your choice to stay in a M that is unhappy, right? Even if BB says she has issues but doesn't know how to change, that's not the key piece of info. It's whether or not she is unhappy enough to do anything about it. And yes, you can force someone else down to your level of unhappiness and make it work. My M is a good example. H was depressed, he left, that made me extremely unhappy, and the rest you know about. In the end it can work, but not everyone has the stomach for it I guess. Granted, H and I both come from psychological training so we have some insight into what does and does not work but that still didn't prevent us from getting into a mess of a M. The place it really helped was in rebuilding. Everyone makes mistakes, but correcting them is the hard part. Takes lots of effort and I'll say again, rewriting some of the history. If you do not believe in at least some basics, like changing your thoughts, can change your feelings, can change your behaviors etc, I think it is a much harder road. LFL
