Believe me - my H cannot possibly have missed how important PT is to me since it has been a recurring subject of discussion. I have given myriad examples of types of touch that don't include sex that I also miss - all to no avail. When H doesn't feel good about himself he withdraws and doesn't come out until he is good and ready. When he does feel good about himself he still only provides a small incremental amount of PT that barely skims the surface of what I would call a "baseline" level of touch in a happy M.
He doesn't know about the LL concept per se although I have mentioned it in different words. He is generally averse to to any psychobabble lingo. Basically, on the SSM board in general we have often seen the HD parnter knock themselves out to meet their spouses LL needs only to have a happier partner but their own needs go unmet. Frequently it seems to relate to the spouse feeling that there is underlying expectation or that the partner doing all the LL stuff has become somewhat of a wimpy, doormattish, unattracive person for kowtowing. There is a line somewhere between meeting and exceeding needs. There is also a definite line in the sand called "don't bother if you don't do it with pure intent." That being said I do meet my H's needs out of intention to show my love for him. He responds by providing me the things he needs instead of what I need and have repeatedly requested.
I agree completely that all of this has a lot to do with my H trying to be "good enough". It also has a lot to do with the mild/moderate depression that I believe my H experiences. It isn't chronic but it is frequent. He knows it is there and works on it in his own way but that way doesn't include meds nor personal therapy unless it gets more severe (as it has when he was grieving). I also suspect that it has to do a bit with the madonna/whore comlex issue.
Yes - my H is pretty funny. I prefer his straightforward version of initiation to the times that he furtively touches me and then waits for me to start everything. What I would give to have him actually just "jump me" the way he did a few times while dating.
The doc has okayed our family trip 2 hours from our hospital for next week but has said (a)No excessive walking, (b)come home at the first sign of anything. She didn't say "no sex" but since sex tends to cause a bunch of contractions I'm wondering how much of that is in the cards for this trip. Oh well, I'm having a baby sometime within the next few weeks and I WILL enjoy this trip and this baby.
