Cemar, you forgot to answer the last half of my question. What is something that you like about your wife and/or marriage. Could be anything, just tell me something.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Quote: ----------------------------------- Close at all??? -----------------------------------
You are a quick study.
What Cemar and Choc fail to realize is that they are the ones with the problem. Their wives merely have what they want.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Do you realize that your focus is on where you want your M to go, the objective, which is fine. But the posters here, including myself, then give suggestions on how to get there, IOW, the process. You then come back to say, yeah, but I want this objective. They say, here is a way to get there. You say, but I want this objective… and so on.
Stop talking past everyone. Or would you rather we just say, “Yep CeMar, that is a great objective. It would be nice to have x, y, z, wouldn’t it?” and just leave it at that, which is nothing more than a b*tch session?
Six years without a kiss, wow thats a long,long time I don't know how I would feel or even how I could stand that, no matter how self validating I was.
What Cemar and Choc fail to realize is that they are the ones with the problem. Their wives merely have what they want.
That's interesting. It's like I was just saying on another thread, you can make yourself happy/content with what you have and even if Cemar and Choc's M's are not the best, their W's may have convinced themselves that they are just fine. Thus, they are happy campers. Makes you wonder who's right and who's wrong in this whole equation.
LFL wrote: ----------------------------------------------- Makes you wonder who's right and who's wrong in this whole equation. -----------------------------------------------
"I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key...."
It's all a matter of negotiation and balance.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Poster: NOPkins Subject: Re: Happiness, is it even possible.
Fearless wrote to Choc: -------------------------------------------------------- Can you explain why you thought Cemar's response to me was reasonable? --------------------------------------------------------
Because both believe that their wives have the answer to their respective problems.
-NOPkins-
NOP,
I'll give you a pass (sorry to use the word "pass" when dealing with the Mother of All Kidney Stones) and assume that you didn't mean to allow me to answer for myself.
Fearless, I thought two of CeMar's basic concepts were reasonable, at least to me:
1) That what self-help books and do-it-yourself physchologists like to call "validation", to some of us just seems more like "they love us." As someone said earlier today, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar," and I -- like CeMar -- do feel a need in my emotional make-up for the affection of my wife. I'm sorry, I just do -- that's why I married her.
2) That some sexual issues are unable to be compromised away. If a man has a desire to make love to his wife 5x/week, and his wife prefers 1x/week, then sure, "3x/week" would seem to be a reasonable compromise. But if a man has a desire to receive passionate kisses from his wife, and his wife prefers not to kiss at all, then what is the compromise position? The LD person controls the sex/affection dynamic.
NOP, I do not believe my wife has the answer to my problems. I do believe that I am not "whole", at least not as whole as I intentionally sought for myself by choosing to marry her, when I do not receive regular sex, touch and affection from my wife.
their W's may have convinced themselves that they (the marriages) are just fine. Thus, they are happy campers.
I don't think we know enough to assume definitively this about the wives. Maybe they aren't happy with the marriages either but they don't know how to change the marriage and have just decided to live with it. Or maybe they are happy "enough" with the marriage or maybe they get their happiness somewhere else - job, motherhood, etc.
And even if they "seem" happy, that doesn't mean that they ARE.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
What Cemar and Choc fail to realize is that they are the ones with the problem. Their wives merely have what they want.
-NOPkins-
NOP,
If by "problem" you mean that "it's a problem to desire to have regular sex and affection from your spouse, and to have your needs taken as seriously as you take theirs, without having to constantly remind them of them," then yes, I have a "problem."
This is precisely why I never want to go to WWME, PromiseKeepers or any of the rest of them: because it's always the man's fault. It is he who must adjust.
I have said it before, and I will say it again: whether it's SSM, Schnarch or any of the rest of them short of Dr. Laura's simple clarity, unless you have TWO spouses ready to tackle the hard work required in a clashing-libido marriage, then all these techniques will do for you is help you better cope with your sexlessness. Choc.
