I guess this is what got us into this position in the first place, we had a fight, I said some pretty nasty things, and instead of dealing with them with me, he turned to the OW. And I guess I just get very frustrated because he doesn't seem to want to change the behaviour, and knows this is one of the biggest problems, which make me question how committed he really is to making this work.
Limbo, Be careful about assigning self-blame for his turning to the OW--it's probably more complicated than that.
Be careful about judging behavior that he might find difficult to change (dealing with conflict in his case). Would we say a person isn't committed to the R, because they failed to quit smoking? True, his level of motivation to work on facing conflict will determine to what extent he gets better at it. It's his struggle--relax the judgment. It's not all about you and the R. Your helper role will be (at the right time in the R) to try to influence him to face conflict. You will have to experiment as to what may work.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
